


run around the cul-de-sac (you have me chasing your heart)

by snap_crackles (orphan_account)



Series: Growing Up in the American Suburbia [1]
Category: SEVENTEEN (Band)
Genre: 97 line are adorable puppies lets be real, 97 line friendship, Childhood Friends, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Friends to Lovers, Growing Up Together, M/M, author tries to write angst, set in american suburbia
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-05-29
Updated: 2017-07-24
Packaged: 2018-11-06 11:54:11
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 23,840
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11035680
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/snap_crackles
Summary: “Initiating pursuit in three. Two. One.”Some things never change.





	1. PART ONE: When We Were Young

**Author's Note:**

> I really don't need to start writing something new when I've already got two works sitting to the side, glaring at me as I continue to push them off to focus on more pressing priorities. I'm transferring colleges this summer and moving for the first time in my life in a few weeks, so I've been busy and "One Man's Trash..." has been put on hold for now. This fic will only be two/three chapters though, and I can wrap it up in a few nights so it's not that bad(?)

**I**

Kim Mingyu is five years old when his parents move into a two-story home in the middle of white-picket-fenced suburbia. He’s sitting on the curb, watching his father help the movers maneuver a queen-sized bedframe from the inside of a truck.

It’s a hot summer day and his damp shirt is clinging to his skin, but he doesn’t want to go inside. Not yet.

He doesn’t want to stare at blank walls, or sit in the middle of the empty rooms of his new house.

With a sigh, Mingyu gently picks up an ant that scurries in front of him and places it in the palm of his hand.

“Are you bored too?” He asks the ant, lifting his hand close to his nose and watching as the insect runs in circles. “You’re so far from your ant pile.”

“He’s looking for food.” An unfamiliar voice says, and Mingyu looks to the side to find a small boy blinking down at him.

“Who are you?” Mingyu asks, scrunching his nose as the stranger walks over and crouches down beside him, studying the ant that’s still crawling in Mingyu’s palm.

“My name is Minghao and I live next door.” The boy says without looking up. With a small finger, he prods at the ant. Mingyu draws his hand away.

“Leave him alone.” Mingyu whines, and Minghao tilts his head to the side, frowning. “You gotta be gentle or you’ll squish him!” The statement makes Minghao’s eyes widen.

“I didn’t want to squish him.” He says quickly, shaking his head. “I just wanted to touch him, that’s all!”

“Then find your own ant to play with.” Mingyu plants his focus back to his insect and cups his hands protectively. From the corner of his eyes, he can see his companion finally sit on his bottom, crisscross applesauce, back hunched forward in dejection. It kind of makes Mingyu feel bad.

“Fine. You can play with Alan too.” Mingyu finally says slowly, as if a bit unsure whether he was ready to cede custody over his ant. Minghao looks at him, then looks down to the ant, and then back at him.

“Are you sure?”

“Yep.”

“Okay. I promise I won’t squish him.”

As Mingyu coaxes the ant onto Minghao’s hand, the latter asks, “So where are you from?”

“I’m from Canada.”

“Isn’t that where the penguins live? Did you live with penguins?”

“Minghao, penguins live in in the Southern Hemisphere, the bottom half of the world, sweetheart.” Another voice, which sounds like it belongs to an amused female, speaks up, and both boys turn around to face a woman. She has a kind smile on a warm face and she’s holding a tray of cookies outward as an offering.

“Mom!” Minghao springs to his feet, his hands still cupped and holding Mingyu’s ant. Mingyu also stands. As the woman walks closer, Minghao begins to babble in excitement.

“Mom! I learned his name! His name’s Mingyu and he’s letting me play with his ant called Alan! But what do you mean penguins live in the bottom half of the world? Don’t they love snow and ice and everywhere that’s cold? Why can’t you find them in Canada?”

“Minghao, sweetheart, slow down.” Minghao’s mother softly laughs before switching her attention onto Mingyu. The smile she gives him is of adoration. “And aren’t you the sweetest looking thing? It’s nice to meet you Mingyu.” Mingyu ducks his head, feels his cheeks warm up, but not from the summer heat.

“Do you boys want a cookie?” She asks, extending the tray outwards, and both boys nod eagerly. As the boys reach over to take a cookie and proceed to nibble on the sweets, the woman takes a small step back.

“Mingyu, I met with your mother, and if you like, you can come to our house for a bit, where it’s nice and cool.”

“Yeah! You can come over and play!” Minghao bobs his head with delight. “I have Legos and remote controlled cars and robots!”

When Mingyu looks between the smiling faces of mother and son, he really can’t refuse. Plus, it’s really hot outside, and playing with a new friend in a cold house sounds like the best thing in the world right now.

“Okay!”

The two boys are sharing giggles when Minghao’s mother speaks.

“That’s great! But you boys should leave the ants outside; no bugs in the house please.”

 

 

“That doesn’t go there!” Minghao scowls, swatting at Mingyu’s hand. The other draws his hand back, lips forming a pout as Minghao plucks the Lego from the spot Mingyu had wedged it in.

“You don’t need to be so mean.” Mingyu mumbles, dropping onto the floor. “You’re so bossy too.”

The two boys were previously on a mission to build the tallest Lego tower in the world, only now the progress is put on hold with Mingyu sulking at the carpet and Minghao dropping his attention from the project.

Looking down, Minghao blinks at Mingyu who isn’t sparing him a glance. Feeling guilty, he moves to his new friend’s side.

 _Poke_.

“I’m sorry.” Minghao says gently. No response.

_Poke. Poke._

“Mingyu, I said I’m sorry.” It comes out a bit whinier and high-pitched. When no response comes, Minhao frowns. He shakes the boy’s shoulder.

“Seokmin says I’m mean sometimes too, but he still loves me. Mingyu, I’m sorry. Please don’t be mad?” Minghao leans into Mingyu’s personal bubble and tries to establish eye contact with him. Mingyu shifts his head away.

“Stop it!” Mingyu scoots to a new spot when Minghao refuses to retreat. “Go away.” With his head ducked down, he bites his lower lip to keep himself from grinning when Minghao crawls over and looks up at him from where he’s sprawled out on the floor.

“You’re smiling!” Minghao states sweetly, chin resting on his palm.

“Am not!”

“Are too!”

“Am not!”

“Are too!”

“Am not!” despite his words, Mingyu’s the first to break into giggles before Minghao sits up on his knees and laughs, clapping his hands at his own success.

“You’re still mean. And bossy.” Mingyu states, but the ice had already thawed and he’s shyly smiling at the boy sitting across from him.

It’s at this moment when a melody can be faintly heard. It’s a cheery melody, closely associated with long summer days and bright, childhood nostalgia.

“The ice cream truck.” The boys whisper together, scrambling to their feet.

“Ice cream is one dollar.” Minghao informs as he strides over to where his dresser sits at the other side of his bedroom. Mingyu watches as the boy reaches over to a nearby piggy bang. “Mom says that four quarters makes a dollar.”

The melody gets louder, and Mingyu waits with bubbling excitement as Minghao counts out the coins he had spilled over the surface of his drawers.

“…Two quarters, three quarters, another dollar!” Minghao calls out as the melody passes by the house. He takes eight quarters into his hand and tilts his head towards the direction of the door. “Let’s go!”

The two boys rush downstairs, their hurried footsteps sounding like a wildebeest stampede.

“Boys!” Minghao’s mother calls out from somewhere in the house, but the two children are already stumbling out the front door, Minghao tossing a hasty “we’ll be back!” over his shoulder.

The ice cream truck is already nearing the cul-de-sac when the boys reach the street. It’s then when the two grab onto each other’s fingers, Mingyu’s slightly longer legs carrying him just a bit further as he pulls Minghao along.

This is how it all begins.

 

* * *

 

**II**

“Tag, you’re it!” Seokmin gleefully shouts as he taps Mingyu’s shoulder and flounces away.

It’s the last day of summer vacation before the three boys start first grade.

Minghao’s already running, playfully jeering for Mingyu to try and tag him.

“YOU CAN’T CATCH ME, GYU!” Minghao screams, looking over his shoulder.

 _“RUN, RUN, AS FAST AS YOU CAN! YOU CAN’T CATCH HAO, HE’S THE GINGERBREAD MAN!”_ Seokmin sings out from where he’s standing at safe-base, hugging a tree trunk.

In between the taunts of his friends, Mingyu laughs, his lungs feeling like they will burst at any moment as he chases Minghao down the street.

It becomes a war of attrition when they reach the cul-de-sac. They run in figure eights—sharply cutting angles—narrowly missing each other—Mingyu’s fingertips coming at a hair’s length from brushing Minghao’s shirt.

And then Mingyu finally tags him.

More like _catches_ him.

With arms wide open, Mingyu leaps and throws himself onto the other boy, Minghao letting out a squeal as they topple over onto somebody’s lawn.

“MINGYU, GET OFF.” Minghao shrieks, kicking and breathlessly giggling as Mingyu holds him in a body lock, fingers tickling the smaller boy’s ribs.

“Never!” Mingyu says, wrestling with the feisty male in his possession. He rolls over to his side, arms and legs still tightly wrapped around Minghao’s squirming body.

“Seokmin!” Minghao cries, vision blurring with tears as he makes out an approaching figure whose laugh sounds like Seokmin.

“Seokmin can’t help you, Hao.” Mingyu cheerfully states, laughter vibrating in his chest as he digs his fingers into Minghao’s ribs, right where the tickles are the most sensitive.

“I hate you!” Minghao howls as Seokmin drops himself next to his friends. “I hate you both.”

“Why do you hate me?” Seokmin asks innocently with a smile brighter than the sun. Mingyu stops tickling Minghao and relinquishes his hold on the poor boy. The two sit up simultaneously.

“Because you wouldn’t help me and I was going to die.” Minghao pouts, running fingers through his hair so that blades of grass floated back down to the ground where they belonged.

“You love us Hao Hao.” Mingyu says as he leaned forward, hugging Minghao from behind. “We’re your best friends.” He nuzzles the crook of Minghao’s neck, and Minghao makes a gagging sound, but doesn’t pull away. The scene coaxes an “aww,” out of Seokmin, and Minghao sighs, motioning for his other friend to join the cuddle party.

((From the distance, Minghao’s mother watches fondly from the street curb, a camera in her hands. The future photographs will be labeled in the photo album as “The Boys of Summer,” and will always be some of boys’ favorite captured moments.))

 

* * *

 

**III**

It’s Buddy Reading Wednesday when Mrs. Grant’s second grade class joins Mr. Rodriguez’ first grade class for the one hour reading block. It’s the third time the classes have joined, and Mingyu is finding himself upset.

He wouldn’t say he’s a jealous person. No, not at all, because jealousy is an ugly thing that only makes people mad, and Mingyu doesn’t like being mad.

Which is why he’s glaring at the surface of his desk, confused and frustrated by this irritated feeling that’s consuming him.

“Mingyu, are you even paying attention?” Wonwoo asks, the older boy tapping his pencil loudly on the table.

“Yes.” Mingyu grumbles.

“So what would you say is the lesson of the story?”

“Lesson?” Mingyu blinks, looking up at his reading buddy. Wonwoo frowns.

“Yes, the lesson.”

“Um?” Mingyu nervously smiles. From under the table, he feels someone prod at his feet. Seokmin.

“You aren’t paying attention.” Wonwoo says flatly. For an eight year old, he manages a deadpan stare rather well. “And stop poking my feet, Soonyoung!” He scowls, looking under the desks. There’s a collective sound of giggling before two boys crawl out into view.

“You’re so grouchy.” Seokmin observes as he sits crisscrossed on the floor with Soonyoung mimicking his position right beside him.

“You’re both supposed to be _reading_.” Wonwoo points out. “Soonyoung is supposed to be helping you with your reading skills.”

“Reading schmeeding.” Soonyoung wrinkles his nose, his book bag in his lap. “We read all the time, Wonwoo!”

Instead of paying attention to the exchange going on near him, Mingyu finds himself staring past Wonwoo’s shoulder to two boys who are sitting at the front of the room, backs against the wall, knees touching as they sit side by side on the floor.

Minghao has a book opened, positioned in his lap, but he isn’t reading off of the page, and neither is his reading buddy, Jun. Instead, they seem to both be joking about something, laughing together, and by the way Minghao shoves at Jun’s shoulder playfully, _Mingyu wants in_.

Mingyu doesn’t like jealousy, but he acknowledges that this ugly feeling of envy is what’s coursing through his veins.

Jun is _stealing_ his best friend.

((Seokmin is also Mingyu’s best friend, but at least Soonyoung isn’t directly stealing Seokmin away. Instead they are here, at an arm’s reach, where they can exchange banter and jokes.))

((In contrast, Minghao is too far away, and from the few times since Buddy Reading Wednesday had begun, Mingyu had noticed that Minghao seemed to let the world fade away as he put all his focus on Jun. And Mingyu doesn’t like it. He doesn’t like this detachment.))

“Mingyu!” Soonyoung and Seokmin bark simultaneously, and Mingyu tears his attention away from Minghao and Jun, focusing instead on the two boys staring up at him from the floor. They both have lollipop sticks jutting out from their mouths, and Soonyoung is holding open his book bag as if he were trick-or-treating.

“Wanna sucker?” Soonyoung offers in a hushed voice, shaking out his bag filled with contraband candy because eating in the classrooms aren’t allowed. When Mingyu shakes his head, the boy shrugs as if to say ‘suit yourself.’ Seokmin however, is more perceptive, and when he shoots Mingyu a concerned look, head just tilted slightly to the side, Mingyu can only gently smile as if to say ‘it’s nothing.’

 

 

“…And he’s learning Wushu! Can you guys believe it?” Minghao gushes as the three of them head to the bike racks. The bell had already rang indicating that it was the end of the day, and since Mrs. Grant had collected her students to head back to homeroom in preparation for dismissal, Minghao just wouldn’t shut-up about his new friend.

“That’s so cool!” Seokmin chirps from where he’s positioned to Minghao’s left as Mingyu keeps his silence to Minghao’s right. “Soonyoung does cool things too! He tells me that he does ballet and it’s super hard and he breaks his toes. It’s not a girly dance like everyone thinks it is! He tell me there’s no such thing as a girly dance!”

“Oh wow!” Minghao nods, genuinely fascinated by Soonyoung’s talents. Turning to Mingyu, he gives his friend a nudge. “What about Wonwoo? Does he do anything cool?”

They have reached their bikes and Mingyu fumbles around his pocket for his keys, half-heartedly shrugging.

“He likes to read…a lot.” He assess the blank stare Minghao gives him while Seokmin watches them both with uncertainty, as if already detecting tension bubbling under the surface.

“Well that’s…” Minghao pauses, as if trying to find the polite words to say.

“Cool!” Mingyu snaps, unlocking his bike and stuffing both lock and key into his pocket. “At least Wonwoo’s smart! Not everyone can be flying ninjas or ballerinas or whatever, but at least Wonwoo’s really smart!” If he suddenly sounds aggressive, Mingyu doesn’t apologize for it, yanking his bike from the rack and hopping on, proceeding to pedal off in his bitterness.

“HEY, WAIT!” Minghao blinks after taking a second to process that Mingyu had actually snapped at him in anger. “GYU!” He fumbles with his lock before yanking out his bike and taking off, Seokmin following closely behind.

“What’s wrong with Gyu?” Minghao asked as Seokmin caught up so that they were biking side by side. Minghao slows his pace and watches as Mingyu races ahead, not looking back.

“I don’t know.” When Minghao chances a brief look at Seokmin, he catches his friend’s eyebrows furrowed together in thought.

“Tell me.” Minghao urges.

“Well,” Seokmin sighed. “I don’t think he likes Jun for some reason.”

“Got it.” The two ride the rest of the way home in silence, but it’s a comfortable peacefulness and not at all tense.

As they turn onto their street, they spot Mingyu sitting at the end of the cul-de-sac, staring blankly at his feet.

Seokmin’s house is the first stop, and when Minghao halts his bike to say a brief goodbye, Seokmin looks at him from the driveway and asks quietly “You’ll fix it right, Hao? You’ll make it all better?” And Seokmin, the bright-eyed, cheery sunshine of the trio looks at Minghao with worry.

“Yeah, I’ll fix it.”

 

 

“Hey, Dum-Dum Pop!” Minghao calls out as he rolls his bike up to the curb, right in front of Mingyu who looks down-right miserable. “Why are you mad at me?”

“I’m not mad.” Mingyu huffs in annoyance, still not meeting his gaze.

“Yes you are.”

“Am not!”

“Are too!”

“Am not!”

“Are too!”

“Am not!” Mingyu shouts, finally looking up, scowling, and Minghao takes a step back.

“Are too.” It’s a quiet voice; a small voice, and Mingyu has to look away in shame.

“Go away,” Mingyu mumbles, drawing his knees up to his chest, hugging them tightly, not looking up to see Minghao studying him.

“Gyu, please tell me what’s wrong.” Minghao sits at Mingyu’s side, shoulder to shoulder. “Seokmin says that he thinks that you don’t like Jun.”

“Wrong.”

“Is he?”

“Yep.”

“ _Liar_.”

“No, I’m not.”

 _“Liar, liar, pants on fire...”_ Minghao sings quietly, and Mingyu shoots him a dirty glare.

“Go away, Hao.”

_“…Hanging on a telephone wire.”_

“Stop.” Mingyu whines. There’s a barely there twitch at the corner of his mouth, and if Minghao didn’t know him any better, he wouldn’t have caught it, but he did.

“Only if you tell me what’s wrong.”

“No.”

“Then I’m not leaving.”

“Fine.” There’s a silence, and in a much quieter voice, Mingyu asks, “Am I your best friend?” The look Minghao gives him is one of confusion.

“Duh. You and Seokmin are my best friends in the whole wide world!”

“Forever and ever?” Mingyu asks, looking at Minghao now with attentive eyes.

“Forever and ever.” Minghao confirms, holding out his pinky finger. “I pinky promise.” Mingyu warily looks at the finger before hooking his finger onto Minghao’s.

“Cross your heart and hope to die?”

“Stick a needle in my eye.” Minghao recites, and grins at the way Mingyu scrunches up his nose.

“Gross, Hao.”

“At least I use my elbow when covering up my sneezes.” Minghao says, bumping his body against Mingyu’s.

“And Jun?”

“What about Jun?”

“He’s your friend, right?”

“Yeah, he’s my friend. But he’s not my _best_ friend.” Minghao reasons. “So stop being a Dum-Dum Pop. This is dumb. Seokmin’s worried too. He doesn’t like fights.”

“You’re right. This is dumb. Being mad over friends is dumb.” Mingyu pouts before standing up and helping Minghao to his feet.

“Race you to Seokmin’s?” Minghao offers as he straddles his bike and kicks the kickstand upward.

“I’ll beat you. My bike is faster.” Mingyu brags as he picks his bike off the ground. He’s in the process of straddling it when Minghao take off, laughing.

“Gonna beat you!” Mingaho teases, already making his way down the street.

“CHEATER!” Mingyu shouts, but without any real heat. He takes off after his friend, repeating the chant of “dirty cheat,” as he pedals as fast as he can.

And just like that they’re good again…

 


	2. PART TWO: So Testosterone Boys [and harlequin girls]

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So...this chapter turned out a whole lot longer than I expected, but it's covering the teenage years in a few (but heavily detailed) sections. Hopefully it turned out okay? A bit angst-y I suppose, (I'm not the best with angst, though I tried here) but teenage years tend to be full of drama and hormones going out of whack combined with boys in this age group can lead to mishandling of emotions, and it's dumb, boys can be dumb, but here goes nothing.
> 
> Hopefully you guys like it! I'm honestly surprised with how I managed to pump this out. This is probably the longest chapter I've ever written for anything? I've looked over this so many times, but do feel free to point out any glaring errors to fix. Thanks guys ◕ ◡ ◕

**I**

It’s a cool Saturday night in late November when Seokmin, Mingyu, and Minghao all march out of Seokmin’s house, each individual carrying at least one item in their possession.

Seokmin cradles a bundle of blankets in his arms, a lit fluorescent lantern swings from a hooked finger of one hand, while the other hand clutches onto a bowl of popcorn. Mingyu is hugging three pillows against his chest as Minghao trails closely behind; Seokmin’s backpack is slung over his left shoulder, while Mingyu’s is slung over his right; his own backpack dangles from the crook of his arm.

When they reach the duvet that’s laid out on Seokmin’s front lawn, the boy’s get to work on arranging their campground.

“This is nice.” Seokmin sighs as they sit themselves down to relax. “Why have we never done this before?” He turns to look at his friends who simultaneously shrug. Mingyu is too busy looking up at the stars and Minghao is rummaging in his own backpack. The boy pulls out a chart that’s partially filled out with previously recorded lunar phases.

“I think it’s a waning gibbous.” Mingyu states as he points upward towards the moon. Minghao follows his friend’s finger and stares in consideration. At first, it seems like he’s about to agree until he shakes his head with a frown.

“It’s definitely still a full moon.” He states, crawling over to Mingyu, paper in hand. When Mingyu looks at him with disbelief, Minghao starts jabbing at his chart. “Look Gyu, we’ve only had a full moon for the past two days.”

“But there’s a shadow.” Mingyu frowns. With his index finger pointing up to where the moon hangs, Mingyu traces an outline of where the supposed shadow can be found. When he turns his head, he watches, hopeful, as Minghao squints and evaluates the area presented to him.

“Nope. It’s still a full moon.” Minghao declares confidently. Mingyu’s jaw drops and he proceeds to smack Minghao on the shoulder with the sleeves of his oversized sweater.

“It’s a waning gibbous!”

“It’s a full moon!”

The two look expectantly in Seokmin’s direction, but the third boy is too busy watching the blinking lights of an airplane passing by. “Seokmin,” Minghao calls out softly, and Seokmin blinks, giving the pair his undivided attention.

“Hao says the moon looks full, but he’s wrong.” Mingyu babbles, earning a glare from Minghao.

“Gyu says it’s a waning gibbous but it’s still too early for a phase change.”

“But there’s a shadow—”

“No there isn’t!

“Yes there is! You’re blind and you need glasses!”

Seokmin stares at his bickering friends and tiredly exhales. He loves them both, and he knows for a fact that he can wear on their patience just as much, but sometimes it can be difficult being the human personification of Switzerland. Looking up at the moon for himself, he tilts his head and gives it some thought.

Hao is right; typical phases last for an average of 3.5 days, but Mingyu is also right in the case that there does seem to be a slight shadow, the lit portion of the moon asymmetrical to a careful eye. Looking back down at his friends, he gives a nervous grin.

“Both are strong arguments, but…it’s a waning gibbous.” He informs, and Mingyu lets out a triumphant cheer, clapping his hands and bouncing from where he sits. Minghao scowls and flicks popcorn at Mingyu’s face.

As they each quietly fill out their charts, it’s Mingyu that breaks the silence.

“We should do this more often.” Mingyu’s has his head propped against Minghao’s side like it’s a cushion, while Minghao lies on his stomach, filling out the night’s details; clear skies, 9:17 PM, waning gibbous… Seokmin is also on his stomach, laying parallel to Minghao, Mingyu’s legs propped on top of his back. From an aerial viewpoint, their touching bodies form an H.

“Do you guys ever think about the future?” Seokmin asks as he rolls to the side so that he’s now on his back. Mingyu lets out a quiet whine for the loss of his human leg rest.

“Sometimes.” Minghao answers without looking up from his paper.

“But I mean, do you ever think about how one day, we won’t be together like this?” Seokmin folds his arms behind his head and tries to count the stars. Mingyu sits up and frowns.

“Be quiet. You’re making things sad.”

“I’m being realistic for once.” Seokmin murmurs softly. “I know we’re still in middle school right now, but after next year, we’re off to high school, and after four years of high school comes college, and by then we won’t see each other that often. We’ll be moving away…” Seokmin hears a rustling of paper before receiving a paper ball to the face.

He doesn’t need to look to know that it was Minghao who threw it.

“I’ll visit you every day when we’re older.” Minghao swears. “We’re friends forever, so shut up.”

“Yeah, shut up.” Mingyu echoes, and Seokmin laughs.

“Did you two actually agree with each other for once?”

“We agree on a lot of things, actually.” Mingyu scoffs.

“Like what? I need an example.” Seokmin sits up, reaching for the bowl of popcorn and watching as his two friends shoot a look at each other, as if telepathically trying to communicate a shared answer they can approve on.

“Like how nothing between us is ever gonna change.” Minghao quickly rattles off before Mingyu can open his mouth.

“That doesn’t count, Hao. You already said that” Seokmin rolls his eyes fondly, “but I’ll take it anyway because it’s a good answer.” He diverts his attention back to the sky.

“Hey guys, wanna know something cool? See that star up there?” Mingyu states after a moment of silence. He points at a speck of light in a sea of black. “Just like planets have names, stars have names too. That one is called Sirius; the brightest star in the night sky.”

“That’s so cool, Gyu.” Minghao praises, and the three take a second to gaze at Sirius, the star that shines from above.

“I just had a thought,” Mingyu begins, and Seokmin and Minghao focus their attention on him. “It’s a bit cheesy, but… even when we do go off to different colleges, maybe we can go outside sometimes and look up at the stars. People say you can always find Sirius from wherever you are in the world. If we go outside when we miss each other—”

“It’ll be like we’re watching the stars together.” Seokmin finishes, a small smile on his lips. “Just like how we are now.”

“Exactly.” Mingyu nods. There’s a pause and then Minghao coughs.

“Ya’ll are saps.” He snickers, without any real mockery in his tone, and Seokmin crawls over, initiating a playful fight that consists of whacking Minghao with the sleeves of his sweater.

“How much you wanna bet that you’ll be staring up at the sky every day when we go to college?” Seokmin laughs, flailing his sleeves around as Minghao slaps at the cloth.

It doesn’t take much to pull Mingyu into the scuffle, the sounds of Seokmin and Minghao breathlessly giggling prove to be too much for him to resist the fun. Grabbing his pillow, Mingyu takes to whacking them both, and his friends roll away, scrambling to arm themselves with their own cushions.

“Come hit me back, guys!” Mingyu taunts as he dances across Seokmin’s lawn.  When Minghao is the first to pop up on his feet, Mingyu can hear the _Kill Bill_ sirens blaring from the distance. Laughing, he sprints off, Minghao hot on his heels and Seokmin not far behind.

“You get him on the left!” Minghao orders Seokmin as they race down the street barefooted.

 

The chase doesn’t last long, and in the end, Mingyu leads the trio back to their duvet, and he collapses onto the scattered blankets, the wind knocked out from his lungs. Seokmin collapses down next to him to the right, and Minghao collapses to the left, but not without delivering a final blow to Mingyu’s head.

“Hao,” Mingyu whines, tone strangled as he manages to control his breathing. Minghao beams tiredly at Mingyu before throwing himself onto the ground to lie on his back.

When Seokmin’s mother comes outside to collect them for breakfast the next morning, she finds three boys curled around each other and it melts her heart.

If only they could stay twelve forever, but early youth is too sweet, and the teenage years are coming fast.

She can only hope that they hold onto that sweetness.

 

* * *

 

**II**

Seokmin, Mingyu and Minghao are 14 when they first bear witness on what _may_ or _may not_ be love.

 

“Gather around children; Papa Soonyoung has brought his children nourishment.” Soonyoung announces as he climbs the steps of the front porch. He bears an armful of various takeout food, courtesy of the mall’s food court that he works at, and he deposits it all onto a nearby end table.

Scattered around Seokmin’s front porch are 5 teenagers, enjoying the mild warmth of this year’s winter, though it might as well be spring.

Wonwoo is sprawled across the bench swing, dozing off, while Jun lies spread eagle, dead center of the porch— a tripping hazard for those who walk near. Seokmin is also on the floor, his back against the porch railing with Mingyu’s head in his lap, the latter giggling as he plays a game on his phone. And Minghao is sitting on the porch railing, swinging his legs out in boredom, watching the ceiling fan spin in circles.

“Right. Seokmin, come take your burrito!” Soonyoung calls out, and Seokmin answers with a whine, affectionately threading his fingers through Mingyu’s hair.

“I can’t. Mingyu’s using me as a pillow. I can’t get up.”

“Then square up, because I’m throwing it at you.” Soonyoung warns as he pulls a burrito out from a paper bag labeled ‘Chipotle’ and proceeds to chuck it in Seokmin’s direction. Seokmin catches it with ready hands and Mingyu lets out a little cheer.

“Hao, come claim your cheesesteak or I might just trade you my Panda Express for it, because damn, it smells good!”

“Bitch, try me.” Minghao sasses as he leaps from his spot on the railing and carefully hops over Jun, striding over to the older boy, swiping the carryout bag from Soonyoung’s grasp.

“Language, Hao.” Wonwoo chides from the bench swing as Soonyoung proceeds to obnoxiously wave a bag over Wonwoo’s head.

“I had to stop by Steak and Shake for your stuff, because I know how much your life is hamburger. Special delivery just for you. Be grateful; I could’ve settled for something simpler and got you some plain, cheap-ass, one dollar burger from McDonald’s instead.”

“I’m touched, Soonyoung.” Wonwoo intones, reaching for his food. He takes the burger out of the bag and cradles it close to his chest.

“Mingyu, I have your cinnamon roll here whenever you’re hungry for it.” Soonyoung looks over his shoulder before grabbing a box labeled ‘Sbarro’

Soonyoung doesn’t have to move much to get to Jun and proceeds to gently tap his friend’s idle leg with his foot.

“Hey. I got your greasy-ass pizza.” When Jun doesn’t respond, Soonyoung frowns. “Earth to Junnie. What’s wrong with you?”

“Oh, you’re here?” Jun blinks, angling his head to look at Soonyoung’s quizzical face. “Sorry, I’ve been zoning out I guess. Thanks.” He mumbles, glance travelling to the box of pizza still in Soonyoung’s hand. He doesn’t make a move to retrieve it.

“Wen Junhui, _what’s wrong?”_

 “Honestly, nothing … Just, you know. _The universe.”_ Jun furrows his eyebrows as Soonyoung looks around, looking for someone to offer an explanation. Instead, he finds Seokmin too busy munching away on his burrito, legs now spread outward in a V formation so that Mingyu can sit up in front of him, the latter happily sharing food with Minghao.

Jun sighs.

 “If beauty is in the eye of the beholder, does that make us all ugly until someone finds us attractive? Or does that make us all beautiful until someone decides we’re ugly?” The existential question has everyone silent. Mingyu, with a fork in his mouth, eyes Minghao who’s slowly chewing on his fries and looking curiously at Seokmin, who’s blinking back, just as clueless.

“Dude,” Soonyoung whispers loudly, dropping down beside Jun and crossing his legs. “Dude, what the hell?”

There’s a loud snort from the bench swing as Wonwoo drawls out a response.

“He’s just bitter that Jihoon turned down his advances _yet_ _again_.”

“Seriously? _Again?”_ Soonyoung studies Jun, aghast. “It’s been a year-and-a-half, Junnie. Give it up.” Standing, Soonyoung nudges his foot against Jun’s ribs. “Is this how it’s gonna be for the rest of high school until we graduate? Cause I swear, I’m done with you.” At Jun’s responding whimper, Soonyoung’s face softens.

“What will it take to make you learn?” He mutters tiredly, flashing an exasperated look at the younger boys as if to say _‘watch and learn kids, or this could be you’_ before staring back down at Jun. “Why do you try so hard? You just end up getting hurt.”

Jun sits up from his spot and shakes his head.

“Soonyoung, you don’t understand. _I am a boy in love.”_

“You are a boy that’s _infatuated.”_ Wonwoo corrects as he sits up and readjusts his glasses. He then finally begins to unwrap his sandwich. “What makes you think you’re in love with Jihoon anyway?”

“He’s cute.” Jun automatically answers, before nibbling on his bottom lip, hesitating at Soonyoung and Wonwoo’s scrutinizing glare. “And he’s intelligent.”

“Intelligent _how_?” Soonyoung presses.

“He’s thoughtful and creative.” Jun answers in a heartbeat. “I’ve peer-reviewed his papers before in English, and I love the way he writes. Even though he doesn’t speak much, it’s through his writing that I can tell he has so much to say.” Jun smiles as he ducks his head, Soonyoung and Wonwoo exchanging surprised looks while Seokmin, Mingyu, and Minghao watch on, fascinated.

“I love the way he laces words together. His writing voice has a mature feel to it, and you can tell that he _cares_ … He cares about every detail and every thought he writes down. Every word means _something_ and it becomes more than just a school assignment. His work is like an extension of himself in a way, and it’s always so fun to read. He has a talent for composition— like you, Wonwoo.” Jun shyly looks up and Wonwoo raises an eyebrow.

“I don’t know whether to be flattered or offended, seeing as how you’re definitely not going bonkers over me. I’m good looking too, you know!” He grins and flirtatiously licks mayonnaise off his thumb as Jun huffs a laugh and rolls his eyes, proceeding onward with his lovesick tirade.

“And the way he sings… I know you guys make fun of me for hiding in the choir room, but have you actually _heard_ him sing? _Christ_. I know Seokmin has; you guys shared the same choir class last year. Isn’t his voice like an angel? And the way he fumbles as he plays something new on the piano or finds the right chord to play on his guitar; the way he trains his focus and suddenly the whole world melts away around him and his music… Everything about him is endearing and admirable.” It’s then when the smile Jun wears fades into something pained.

“He’s _perfect_.” Jun mutters quietly. “And now that I come to think of it, who am I to deserve that? Who am I to deserve _him_?”  

“Okay, no. Nope. _Wrong.”_ Soonyoung cuts in, crouching down to get to Jun’s eye level. “Don’t you dare do this to yourself. You’re awesome, okay? And no one knows this better than you, and I’m not letting some boy suddenly make you think differently. This is part of what I meant when I said that you’ll get hurt. Goddammit, Junnie!” Soonyoung puts Jun’s pizza to the side and gently pushes Jun’s hair away from his face.

“You know when he laughs at you or tells you to get lost? That’s his true nature. The cute little mushroom appearance is all a façade. Ji’s actually evil. That’s why he’s so short. He’s closer to hell.”

“But I love him.” Jun insists. “I think I really do.” Jun’s eyes begin to water, and Soonyoung turns to Wonwoo, expression screaming _Mayday!_ _I need assistance!_

Wonwoo’s already up on his feet and tilting his head towards the house when Soonyoung takes Jun by the hands.

“I love him, Soonyoung. If it was some stupid crush I’d be over him by now! You’d know! You guys give me shit about it all the time! How I’m cheesy as hell and can’t seem to stop flirting my way through the entire population…” Jun is rambling now, voice unsteady and Soonyoung just nods along, because honestly... what else is there that he can do?

“Alright, you love him.” Soonyoung acknowledges, leading Jun through the front door, making a bee-line to the bathroom. His thumbs rub soothingly against Jun’s wrists, eyes locked onto the pair of teary ones, and this was totally not what Soonyoung had expected to deal with after getting off work, but Jun is his friend, and bros don’t leave other bros to drown in their own tears.

The two leave without a sparing a glance at the younger boys. It’s Wonwoo who delivers an apology for the outburst through an awkward smile and the door shuts behind him.

“Poor Junnie.” Mingyu murmurs, staring at the door solemnly as Seokmin massages his shoulders in comfort. “I’ve never seen him cry before.”

“Love makes people weird.” Minghao states, tone a bit cold. When Mingyu turns to stare at Minghao, he finds his friend’s face stony; jaw slightly shifted in an obvious sign of restrained frustration, and Mingyu thinks he gets it. Minghao secretly looks up to Jun… of course he’d feel a slight protective streak at the very least.

“But love’s not supposed to hurt, right?” Mingyu asks confused, scooting away from his space in between Seokmin’s legs so he can face both his friends. “I mean, our moms and dads care for each other very much. That’s why they’re married.”

“Like I said. _Weird_.” Minghao pops another fry into his mouth and Mingyu winces at the boy’s angry chewing.

“But our parents fight too, and that _hurts_. Personally, I think being in love would be very nice despite it all.” Seokmin casually adds as he sets his burrito down on a napkin and pulls his knees up to his chest. “Mom tells me that love isn’t supposed to hurt. Not in its purest form anyway. Love is supposed to make you feel safe, right? So maybe the hurt we get from loving someone isn’t because we care so much to the point we feel like our efforts are wasted, but maybe it’s the things that we do to each other and ourselves that hurts— the things that are wrong and dishonest and selfish, versus the choices made out of love. Love by itself shouldn’t hurt.”

“That’s beautiful Seokmin.” Mingyu blinks, staring at his friend in awe.

“Since when did you get so smart?”

“Be nice, Hao!”

“I _am_ nice!”

“Well…be nicer.”

“Yeah, okay. Sure.” Minghao rolls his eyes and Seokmin huffs a chuckle at Mingyu’s pointed glare. “On another note, I’m never falling in love.”

“We’re fourteen. How do you know you’ll never love someone?” Mingyu asks skeptically. “Romantically speaking.” Minghao shrugs.

“Because getting hurt and unintentionally hurting someone are two things I don’t ever want to let happen. Love is weird and I don’t want to fuck with that.”

“Language, Hao.”

“Come bite me, Kim Mingyu!”

“Okay, but at least you love _me_ right?” Seokmin asks as he lifts his burrito up to his mouth. He takes a small bite, batting eyelashes as Minghao transfers attention to him, face fond.

“Of course I do!”

“And me?” Mingyu looks at Minghao expectantly, ready to be showered with validation. Minghao’s smile drops and is replaced by an unamused stare.

“Ew.” Minghao says simply, and Mingyu pouts.

“Fine.” Mingyu sniffs. “I’m taking your fries.” Reaching over, he takes Minghao’s box of fries and stuffs three chips into his mouth, triumphantly grinning as his left cheek bulges. Minghao’s eyes widen.

_“_ You _Bitch!”_ Minghao cries out indignantly as Seokmin cackles in the background. “You ate over half my cheesesteak already, and now you’re taking my fries too?” His intonation gets higher and Mingyu can’t help but laugh.

“You can have my cinnamon roll.” Mingyu innocently offers as he plucks another fry from the box and nibbles on it, but this only makes Minghao more offended.

“I want my fries back, asshole!” He lunges over, but Mingyu stands up, ready to bolt. Unable to reclaim his food, Minghao ends up catching Mingyu’s foot instead.

“Get off, Hao.” Mingyu giggles as he tries to walk, leg dragging a clinging body.

“Only if you give me my fries, you greedy hoe!”

“Okay, I’ll give it, but let go first!” Mingyu shouts in amusement, kicking out his leg, and Minghao accepts the request, relinquishing his hold.

“Fries!” Minghao demands, blinking up at Mingyu from where he sits on the floor.

((Seokmin, whose been attentively watching the two play, knows that Mingyu isn’t going to hand over the fries that easily. He also knows that Minghao isn’t expecting a simple exchange either.))

A silent stare down of a second is broken when Mingyu turns on his heel and runs, leaping over the porch’s stairs and cutting through the lawn. Minghao’s soon on his feet and following Mingyu’s example, skipping the stairs all together and racing towards the street.

“RUN MINGYU! RUN!” Seokmin cries out from where he’s now leaning against the porch railing. “RUN AWAY!”

“Why are you so loud?” Wonwoo asks as the front door swings open.

“Mingyu took Minghao’s fries, and now they’re chasing each other down the street.” Seokmin relays as his older friends gather around him.

“Relatable.” Soonyoung snorts. “I’m surprised Mingyu hasn’t dropped the fries yet.”

“Or tripped on his shoelace.” Wonwoo adds.

“Or both.” Jun chuckles behind Seokmin, draping an arm loosely around Seokmin’s neck, chin resting on top of the younger boy’s head.

“You okay?” Seokmin asks quietly as he tilts his head and looks up to Jun, whose eyes are a little bit puffy, but the older boy still manages a smile.

“Yeah, I’m good. Don’t worry about it.” Jun reassures gently before looking out onto the street to where Minghao had finally caught Mingyu, the latter shrieking as the smaller boy tackles him onto the cement.

“Oh for Christ’s sake. They’re gonna get run over.” Wonwoo grumbles in annoyance as the two proceed to ensue in a tickle fight, fries lying forgotten and scattered on the road.

Wonwoo is the first to detach himself from the group and walks down the porch steps, hollering “You’re both going to be roadkill, you idiots!”

“I feel unappreciated.” Soonyoung pouts. “I bestow you all gifts from the bottom of my heart, and look where the fries are. Laying there, contaminated on the street. What a waste.” He follows Wonwoo to collect their wayward friends, with Jun and Seokmin trailing behind a little afterwards.

“Junnie.” Seokmin begins as they leisurely stroll down the street at a glacial pace, watching as two boys pry the two younger ones off of each other; Soonyoung grabbing Minghao by the armpits while Wonwoo pulls Mingyu up and straightens out the younger’s shirt like a fretting mother.

“Are you still going to chase after Jihoon?”

Jun turns his attention to Seokmin, expression soft and somewhat sad.

“No, I think I’m going to leave him be.” The older sighs. “Soonyoung says to just give him space, and honestly he’s right. He’s always been right…I just…each time, I cling to the hope that I’ll be lucky. Selfish really.” Jun smiles bitterly. “But if the space gives us the chance to naturally become friends at the very least, well, I’m okay with that.”

“And if it doesn’t?” Seokmin asks tentatively. He glances over to the separate group when he hears a yelp, and the two watch as Minghao glares up at Mingyu who had now clambered onto his back for a piggyback ride.

“Does ye have little faith in me?” Jun asks while wiggling his eyebrows. When Seokmin giggles, Jun drops the teasing look for a contemplative expression. “But really, if the space just ends up making us strangers, then I guess that’s fine too. I mean, not _fine_ at first _…_ but…I’ll get over it in time, I guess. It’ll pass. It has to. We’re still young, right? I suppose it helps that Jihoon and I don’t really have an established bond as friends or anything. Maybe getting over him will hurt less.”

“But it’ll still hurt.” Seokmin points out gently. “You’ll still get hurt.” Jun shrugs.

“It’s worth the hurt. I’m still learning, and I don’t want to force anything anymore. I’m willing to wait. I don’t know what I’m waiting for, but I’ll wait it out anyway.”

 

Later, Seokmin will find himself thankful for the small conversation with Junhui when Mingyu comes sneaking into his bedroom through the window at midnight. Mingyu will have tears in his eyes and a confession that Seokmin has long expected.

 

* * *

 

**III**

It’s Minghao who falls first.

They’re in sophomore year (second year high school) and he’s still fifteen when something stirs deep in his gut— a feeling he’s never felt before.

He’s walking with Seokmin out of B Hall when he sees Mingyu coming down the main staircase, chatting with some of his teammates from the varsity football team. There’s only two people that Minghao recognizes in the group; a senior named Seungcheol and another sophomore named Jungkook, but that detail is irrelevant. As Minghao stops in his tracks, his breath caught in his throat, it all plays out like a cliché.

Mingyu is bathed in the light filtering through the ceiling windows, sunrays catching in his artificial orange hair that Minghao loves to tease him endlessly for. The teenager has his head thrown back in mid laughter at something Jungkook must have said, going by the way Jungkook keeps shaking Mingyu’s shoulder, and if Minghao dwells on it, he can hear his friend’s laughter ringing in his head.

For the first time, Minghao thinks he can understand his graduating class’ constant buzz about Mingyu being attractive, because from where he stands, Mingyu really is _beautiful_.

That isn’t to say he’s never considered Mingyu a good-looking guy; one would be blind to deny it, but he’s been around Mingyu for so long, he’s been desensitized to that fact. Now looking from the perspective of a passerby— another face in the crowd— the observation of Mingyu being good looking hits Minghao like a truck, causing him to slacken the grip he has on his books, the texts falling to the tiled floor.

And Minghao watches…watches as Mingyu turns to Jungkook smiling, probably that huge-ass smile that reveals his stupid fangs, and proceeds to sling his arm over the boy’s shoulder, pulling Jungkook closer, as if being stuck in a sea of slow-walking students didn’t force them to be close enough. The sight tugs deep at Minghao’s gut, an unfamiliar feeling, and somewhere in the depths of his mid, a little voice quietly says ‘ _that should be me’._

“Hao!” Seokmin says, pulling Minghao back to reality.

When did a few seconds draw out to feel like eternity? As the two bend over to collect Minghao’s scattered belongings, he can feel his cheeks warm.

“Thanks, Seokmin.” Minghao murmurs as Seokmin hands him his algebra workbook. The latter eyes him with curiosity.

“Are you okay? You zoned out for a moment.”

“I’m fine.” Minghao lies, painting a smile on his face. It feels fake and sugary, and he’s sure that Seokmin sees right through it— how can he not, after knowing each other for so many years? But Seokmin lets it slide, and Minghao is thankful for it.

“Let’s go to lunch now, okay?” Seokmin slings an arm around Minghao’s shoulders, guiding him through the halls (in the opposite direction of Mingyu) while rambling about some photos Seungkwan had sent out to the choir boy group chat on KIK. Apparently Seungkwan’s lab partner Vernon had insisted he knew what he was doing, resulting in the contents of their Erlenmeyer flask to start smoking and bubble uncontrollably, spilling out onto the desk.

Minghao is only half paying attention, his mind straying back to Mingyu laughing, and he wonders… he wonders if it was jealousy that he had felt.

Minghao swallows. The idea of being jealous leaves him sickened… Mingyu is 100 percent allowed to have friends of his own. Just like Seokmin has his choir crew and Minghao has BamBam, Mingyu can have his own friends that he doesn’t necessarily have to share if the opportunity for overlap doesn’t show itself.

So why did Minghao feel like his intestines were being tied, just watching Jungkook and Mingyu latch onto each other, even if it was all in play?

_That’s one joke Jungkook knows that you’ll never understand._ The sudden thought comes in the same jealous voice that he had internalized earlier and Minghao has to push the thought away.

_It’s nothing, Minghao._ He tells himself. And he’ll repeat it again and again for days; over and over each time he sees Mingyu walk down the main staircase with Jungkook glued to his side, always at 10:45 AM sharp, right after fourth period.

Minghao will repeat it over and over again right after each weak smile he gives as he and Mingyu exchange small conversations in psychology class. Small conversations that lead his mind down paths he would rather avoid… paths in which he can easily envision a life with Kim Mingyu always by his side because he already knows the boy just as much as he knows himself. It’s a cruel fantasy, and he hates himself for having them.

Minghao plays his cool. Everything is fine, and he blames hormones and puberty. These awkward feelings will pass.

They have to.

 

If Minghao’s being distant, Mingyu pretends he doesn’t notice and brushes off the wrinkle in their friendship as a drawback to their conflicting schedules.

It isn’t a completely false excuse. With football season reaching its peak, the coaches have been coordinating longer practice drills after school every day. On Fridays and weekends, Minghao has his dance practices with the school’s dance club, organized and led by Soonyoung.

Hell, even Seokmin is always busy nowadays, juggling between choir rehearsals after school and his part time job at Macy’s.

If it weren’t for English Composition, Mingyu wouldn’t be seeing Seokmin on a daily basis, and if it weren’t for psychology, there wouldn’t be a chance to see Minghao at school either— but even then, Minghao had recently taken to pulling into himself; half-heartedly giving in to small talk while insisting that he was okay, just tired.

And the social distance _hurts_ , because they might as well be physically apart if they aren’t going to speak like they usually do. But there isn’t a chance in hell that Mingyu’s going to start admitting _that_ out loud.

 “Mingyu.” Seungcheol appears, slamming his books down onto the table and slinging off his backpack, dropping it unceremoniously onto the floor. Mingyu, who was so caught up in his thoughts while gazing out into space, looks up to face his friend with newfound curiosity.

“What’s up?” He asks, side eyeing _I’m-a-senior-now-and-too-cool-for-school-so-I-rarely-make-an-appearance_ Jeonghan, who slips into the vacant seat next to Seungcheol, while Joshua proceeds to leave his best friend’s side to take the empty seat to Mingyu’s left.

“I have great news!” Seungcheol grins as Jeonghan begins a drumroll, slapping his open palms against the surface of the table.

“It’s ah-mazing.” Joshua cuts in, patting Mingyu on the back. “A _miracle_. You’ve been _blessed_.”

“Why, what happened?”

“I managed to get Coach Brown to cancel today’s practice.” Seungcheol bounces in his seat with excitement, and in this moment, he looks more like a child than a senior upperclassman, captain of the high school’s varsity football team. Mingyu’s mouth drops open in disbelief.

“No way. How? We have a game next Thursday! You know how _nuts_ coach gets when game day is around the corner.”

“Coach is nuts 24/7. Anyway, I politely told him I needed time to study for once.” Seungcheol explained. “Unless he wanted his star captain to get taken off the team due to being placed on academic probation, he needs to give us time to actually focus on all our other priorities. Game day is important, but I’m barely getting enough sleep, just trying to keep up with everything. I almost regret taking AP courses as electives this year.”

“The passive aggressiveness was strong in this one.” Jeonghan nods solemnly, taking a sip of his iced coffee. “I’m a proud mom.”

“Yo, yo, yo! S. Coups in the _house_.” Joshua begins to rap. “Spittin’ fire at the coach, too hot! Man’s gotta _douse._ ” Mingyu starts to break out a beat in the midst of his newfound sense of joy while Seungcheol watches both of them with amused incredulity.

“And Jeonghan owes me money ‘cause I’m as broke as a church _mouse.”_

 

Because football practice gets cancelled, as soon as Mingyu’s last class period ends, he takes to stalking the hallways, in search for a boy with flaming-red hair.

Mingyu finds Minghao in upstairs E-Hall, hanging by the lockers with his back to him and chatting with a boy Mingyu recognizes as BamBam. Grinning, he casually strolls over and presses a finger to his lips when BamBam spots him over Minghao’s shoulder.

With arms in the air and the intention of covering Minghao’s eyes, Mingyu’s plan of surprise goes south when Minghao turns around, twisting Mingyu’s arm in the process.

“OW!” Mingyu yelps as BamBam starts cackling, the bastard. “Gosh dang it, Hao! It’s me.” He pouts when Minghao relinquishes his arm, eyes wide, posture stiff.

“I thought you were Jun.” Minghao squeaks as Mingyu cradles his arm against his chest. In the background, BamBam is still cracking up like it’s the funniest thing in the world. Mingyu raises an eyebrow.

“You know what? I change my mind. I’m not hanging out with you today. I’m calling Jungkook and we’re going to get ice cream together because he doesn’t abuse me like this.”

“You wanted to hang out?” Minghao asked, surprised. “You don’t have practice today?”

“If I did, I’d be in the changing rooms right now instead of toeing the line and risking the possibility of having to run extra laps. So yeah, practice got cancelled.”

“Say no more.” Minghao says, shutting his locker door with a firm slam. “Get me out of this hell hole.” And for a moment things are normal again, as if communication between them hadn’t been awkward or lackluster these past few weeks. When Minghao turns to look at him expectantly, there’s a split second of staring until BamBam clears his throat.

“Well, I’m leaving you two Cheeto-heads to it. Bye.” He claps Minghao on the shoulder as he walks past, and gives Mingyu a departing wave before blending into the sea of students who are still lingering around, catching up with friends.

“You got all your things?” Minghao asks. “Or do we need to stop by your locker?”

“Nah, I’m good.”

The walk to the parking lot goes without much chat, but the silence between them isn’t necessarily uncomfortable either.

“So, what did you want to do today?” Minghao asks as he climbs into the front passenger seat of Mingyu’s car.

“Anything you wanna do, Hao.” Mingyu answers back as he shuts his door and sticks the key into the ignition.

“Honestly, I had nothing else planned out for today but study for the upcoming psych test on Friday.”

“We can study together if you like?” Mingyu offers, looking over at Minghao. “I need to get some proper reviewing in anyway. It’s probably the only chance this week that I’ll get the time to do it.”

Which is what they find themselves doing fifteen minutes later, settled in the comforts of Minghao’s room. Mingyu is sprawled across Minghao’s bed, lying on his stomach with his feet in the air, skimming through some notes in his spiral notebook. Minghao meanwhile, is spinning absentmindedly in his swivel chair, textbook in his lap…. sitting away from the bed…away from Mingyu

“I never considered the concept of love having its own chemical equation.”

Minghao stops spinning in his chair and shoots Mingyu a confused look.

“What kind of sappy shit…?”

“Dopamine, serotonin, and oxytocin are the chemicals involved in love.” Mingyu rambles on, flipping another page. He looks over with a teasing smile on his lips. “Weren’t you paying attention in class, Hao?”

“It must not have been important.” Minghao mutters, turning again to face his desk. There’s a groaning noise coming from the bed springs and the sound of Mingyu’s footsteps fill the room.

“Our state of attraction is influenced by the neurotransmitters adrenaline, which causes us to feel stressed due to its influence on cortisol levels— it’s why our heart races...why are palms go sweaty…why are minds go blank…” Mingyu recites as he reads off his notes, placing a hand on Minghao’s shoulder. Minghao stops breathing, freezing at the touch, swallowing thickly and hoping to whatever God that exists for Mingyu to just fuck up in the middle of his speech so the moment can be ruined.

“…Then there’s dopamine and serotonin; the chemicals we need to feel happy… to feel… _pleasure_.” And like a typical teenage boy, Mingyu snickers as he lets go of Minghao’s shoulder and opts to sit on top of the desk instead. “It’s the chemicals that are active when we feel overjoyed being around someone we love. When we have their attention. Their approval…”

_SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP_ Minghao internally screams, spinning in his chair furiously as he wishes for Seokmin to be here too. But nooo, Seokmin has a job and Minghao’s left to deal with these unwanted feelings by himself. He stops spinning and inhales deeply, gathering his sense of control, if he has any left. To Mingyu, he probably looks like he’s bored out of his mind, when really he’s on the verge of a mini breakdown.

“Attachment is—”

“Governed by oxytocin.” Minghao croaks, and Mingyu looks up from his notes, a playful grin on his face.

“I thought you said this wasn’t important?”

“It isn’t!” Minghao snaps back, but when he looks into Mingyu’s eyes, he can’t help but feel transparent. This is the boy that has known him since they were five… Mingyu knows him inside and out, and Minghao wants to hide.

“I need air.” He says abruptly, standing up and bolting towards the door. “I’ll be right back.” He doesn’t catch the transformation of Mingyu’s expression, going from entertained to bewilderment, to concern in just a brief second.

“Hao!” Mingyu calls out, before tossing aside his notebook and following his best friend who’s already out the front door. _“HAO!”_

Minghao is running down the street, fingers knotted in his hair, heart beating wildly against his chest, and this is when he knows that he’s in too deep.

 “Hao!” Mingyu spins him around, and Minghao pries off the fingers caught into the fabric of his shirt. “Hao, what’s wrong?”

“Nothing’s wrong.” Minghao stubbornly protests through gritted teeth, but Mingyu isn’t buying it.

“No, something is definitely wrong!” Mingyu insists. “Talk to me, please.”

“Fuck off, Gyu!” Minghao turns on his heel, storming towards the cul-de-sac.

 It’s always the cul-de-sac.

“Yeah, I’ll do that when hell freezes over.” Mingyu snorts, catching up. He grabs hold of Minghao’s wrist and drags them both to the curb, despite Minghao’s attempts to resist.

“Alright, spill.” Mingyu orders, and Minghao opts to glare at the cemented ground instead. There’s a silence, and then Mingyu huffs a humorless laugh.

“How we’ve been friends for this long still amazes me sometimes, to be honest. Push and pull, Hao; it’s all we ever do.”

“Do you regret it?”

“Hell no.” Mingyu says while he looks over at Minghao who’s still scowling. Hesitantly, he reaches over to tug at a strand of red hair.

It’s funny how it suits his temperament.

Minghao bats his hand away.

“Remember when we were seven and we had that stupid argument over Jun being your friend?” Mingyu asks and Minghao groans, burying his face in his hands. “You wouldn’t leave me alone until you knew what was wrong.” Mingyu stares off. “You’re my best friend, Hao. You’re hurting, and I know it.”

“Can you just drop it? It’s stupid, Gyu. It’s no big deal.”

“You’re being stupid.”

“Am not!”

“Are too!”

“Am not!”

“It’s a girl isn’t it?” Mingyu asks suddenly, turning to face Minghao with furrowed eyebrows. “Or a boy. Whatever. You like someone. That’s why you ran out of the room.” Minghao keeps his silence. “You’re head over heels over someone, aren’t you? But why won’t you tell me just that? I won’t hate you for it.”

_You might._ Minghao thinks sourly, but instead he mumbles, “None of your business.”

Honestly speaking, Minghao doesn’t know why Mingyu might hate him for knowing the truth, but he’s certain that the feelings won’t be reciprocated, and the chances of screwing up a long-time friendship into something strained and awkward is not a risk Minghao wants to make.

“Fine, I’ll drop it.” Mingyu sighs with slight disappointment laced in his tone. “But don’t push me away, okay? I _love_ you, and you’re my best friend in the whole wide world.”

Minghao wants to laugh in hysterics, because hearing the words ‘love’ and ‘best friend’ in the same sentence is probably the cruelest thing Mingyu can say to him right now.

 

Minghao is fifteen when he realizes that he’s in too deep…

He doesn’t hear the non-existent songbirds chirping or the imaginative wedding bells ringing in the distance. He doesn’t see sunshine and butterflies and roses in bloom. There isn’t a fantasy of happily ever after.

The sky is burning in its sunset glow, and he hears a sharp cawing of a crow-hawk-whatever— mocking him and his stupid neurotransmitters.

Minghao is fifteen when he admits he has fallen in love, and it scares him more than anything.

 

* * *

 

**IV**

It’s on a Valentine’s day that same school year when Minghao finds himself feeling absolutely crushed. A full day has gone by when he decides to reach out for help.

“Jun speaking. Ming _how_ may I help you?” From the other end of the line, Minghao can hear Jun snicker at his own little joke, but Minghao can’t find it in himself to roll his eyes or frown.

“Junnie, I need to talk to you.” Minghao says, and he hates how little his voice sounds. He may be sixteen, but he feels like he’s six years old again, crying to his mother about a nightmare he had. The line goes quiet. “ _Please_ Junnie, can you come over?”

Minghao listens to the sound of shuffling and a muffled swear, and then finally Jun is speaking into the phone, gentle and clear.

“I’m coming over Hao, okay? Give me about ten minutes and I’ll be there.”

“Kay.” Minghao sniffles as he buries his head under the covers. “I’ll hold you to it. Mom and Dad are at work right now. Front door is unlocked. Just come on in.”

“Gotcha. I’ll see you soon.” The line goes dead and Minghao shoves his phone under his pillow, feeling the tears start back up again.

It’s pathetic.

He _feels_ pathetic.

Everything about this situation is _pathetic_.

20 minutes later, Jun walks into the Xu’s residence, a grocery bag in hand. As he toes off his shoes, he notes how it’s too quiet and he knows that Minghao must be in his room. Quietly, he climbs the stairs and knocks politely at the shut door before letting himself in.

“You said ten minutes.” Minghao weakly accuses from where he’s peeking at Jun from under his blankets. Jun smiles with uncertainty.

“Ice cream.” He waves out the small grocery bag as he approaches Minghao’s bed. “It’ll help make you feel better. He lifts the comforter, takes in Minghao’s tear-streaked face and sighs.

“Hao,” is all he says before motioning Minghao to move a little so he can slip into the bed. He drops the grocery bag onto the floor as Minghao snuggles in close to Jun’s side.

“Wanna tell me what’s going on?” He asks softly, lacing their fingers together. A pause hangs in between them.

“Why don’t you take a guess?” Minghao humors Jun with a shaky breath.

“Right.” The older boy looks up at the ceiling, giving Minghao’s hand a little squeeze. “It’s Valentine’s day for one. Word in the school halls say that Jungkook presented Mingyu with a bouquet of flowers and Mingyu gladly accepted it. A confirmed, reliable eyewitness being Seuncheol, told Jeonghan and Joshua, who told the rest of our choir boys, which eventually reached me. And _you’re_ clearly upset…” He looks back down at Minghao who’s silently crying and with his free hand, Jun brushes the younger boy’s tears away. “I’m so sorry, Hao.”

“How’d you suspect it’s Gyu?” Minghao looks up at Jun, linking their other hands together. Jun raises an eyebrow, but there’s nothing sarcastic in his expression.

“I think I know a thing or two about unrequited love.” He answers, unlacing their fingers so he can sweep away the hair that’s sticking on Minghao’s wet face. “And to be honest, I’ve seen it a long time coming. No one can get you to literally run down the street like a madman the way Kim Mingyu does.” With a thumb, he gently brushes at Minghao’s eyelids that are tightly shut, tears leaking underneath long lashes. “No one can get you to chase them around a cul-de-sac like Mingyu can. That’s one hell of an achievement.”

“How’d you do it, Junnie?” Minghao whispers as Jun begins to card fingers through his hair. “How did you get over Jihoon?”

“Who said I ever gotten over Jihoon?” Jun questions quietly. “No, I’m _still_ not completely over him, but it’s getting better. We’re friends now. It’s a delicate thing, and it gets awkward sometimes, but we’re both happy—I’m happy. He’s happy. Sure from time to time I still dwell upon how things _could_ be. They’re nothing but fruitless thoughts though, and I’m keeping it that way until Jihoon wants things differently.” Jun looks down at Minghao who’s clinging on desperately with every word.

“But I love _him_ …” Minghao says, and God, it’s like déjà vu, only this time Jun’s the witness, stepping into Soonyoung’s shoes and it hurts… it hurts to see the younger boy he loves like a brother, a boy he’s looked out for for many years, break down and feel the same heartbreak he has felt… maybe worse.

Because watching someone you love harbor love for someone else must be painful. Junhui might not be able to relate in that aspect, but it’s a close thing.

“I know, Hao.”

_“So what do I do?”_

“You love him in the one way you know is acceptable. As a _friend_ … You support him and Jungkook, even if it hurts, because Jungkook makes Mingyu happy.”

“And my happiness?” Minghao asks. Jun frowns, before wiping at the younger teenager’s fresh tears.

“I think you know the answer to that. You’re not a selfish person. Would you really be happy, even after witnessing Mingyu being upset?” When Minghao mumbles a small ‘no’, Jun leans down and presses his lips on the top of Minghao’s head.

“Want me to sleep over?”

“Only if you want.”

“I’ll text my mom.”

As Jun types a message for his mother, Minghao’s phone vibrates from under the pillow. Reluctantly, Minghao pulls it out and sees it’s from Seokmin.

 

**SUNSHINE**

Just got home from work.  
I see Junnie’s car in front of your house.  
Am I missing out on a SINGLES ONLY slumber party?  
I want in. I’m lonely too.

_Read 8:30 PM_

 

Minghao looks over to Jun. The latter, sensing his attention being requested, lowers his phone and tilts his head, prompting Minghao to speak.

“Seokmin wants to come over and celebrate his lonely life with us.” Minghao informs, and Jun shrugs.

“It’s cool. If you want him to come, he can stay. Your rules.”

Which is how Minghao finds himself squished between two other teenagers in a twin sized bed. They each have to lay on one side (with Jun spooning Minghao) to fit, but they’ve known each other for so long, sharing close quarters is nothing to them.

“You okay, Hao?” Seokmin asks after he crawls under the covers on Minghao’s left side, watching Minghao with concern, taking in red, puffy eyes.

“Yeah,” Minghao puts on a weak smile. “Getting there. I’m feeling better now.”

“You don’t need to tell me anything.” Seokmin begins as he reaches over and catches Minghao’s fingers, tangling them with his own and pulling their conjoined hands up to his chest; a non-verbal statement of his affection. Truthfully, Seokmin has his own suspicions of why Minghao’s upset, but he won’t voice them now. “Just know that I’m here for you, okay?”

“I _do_ know that.” Minghao whispers, truly touched that he’s so lucky to have sweet friends. “Thank you.”

“We make a great threesome.” Jun giggles from Minghao’s other side and for the first time today, Minghao makes a noise that doesn’t sound like he’s seconds from falling in despair.

“Get the fuck out of my bed, Junhui. You can sleep on the floor.”

 

The next day at school when Mingyu corners him in the hallway— with eyes so bright and a smile so breathtakingly beautiful— gushing about his successful first date with Jungkook, Minghao swallows the bitterness that rests in his tongue and nods along, grinning like nothing hurts.

“I think I love a boy, Hao!”

“That’s great, Gyu.” Minghao is thankful that his voice doesn’t crack.

It’ll take time, but he can do it. He has to.


	3. PART THREE: A Lesson in Romantics

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> LMAO, so you know how I said I was gonna wrap everything up in one chapter? Yeah, well I lied. Turns out there’s too much to bridge between last chapter and the ending I intend to have. We left off on one-sided Gyuhao + Mingyu dating Jungkook during second year high school. There’s obviously some developments that need to happen before we get that happily ever after.
> 
> I promised a happy ending, and I swear, there is one, but ya’ll sorta aren’t getting it in this chapter, unfortunately. This is chapter is pretty much more drama, but ((BUT)) it takes a hopeful turn for the best in the last section, which feeds into the happier, sweeter theme of the next (and final) chapter. I really wanted to post up the ending in this chapter as promised, but I feel like it would be better to break the chapter themes apart. Also, this chapter was long enough on its own.  
> (I hope y’all don’t mind reading long-ass chapters. Apparently I have no sense of control over word/page limit.)
> 
> I also want to apologize for taking so long to update this. I just tend to get really insecure about my writing sometimes and have a tendency to re-start drafts over and over again to the point I get burned out and procrastinate because I don’t like my own writing. However, I’m kinda happy with how this final version turned out, even though it feels a bit scattered, but ((BUT!)) I’m satisfied and hopefully you guys will like it too. 
> 
> I tried to shine on Seokmin a bit, as well as Mingyu, because I know I was pretty Minghao-centric last chapter. I’m not sure how well I did on that aspect. I dunno man; I just find it so much easier to transition my focus onto Minghao in this story. Maybe because I hurt him last chapter and feel the need to follow his train of emotions more closely so we witness his slow gain to happiness? Or maybe I just like to break my baby. Hell man, who knows?
> 
> I don’t know when I can update the next chapter, but I have a feeling it’ll be about two-to-three weeks from now, given that my schedule’s going to be a bit busy for the next two weeks. 
> 
> **ALSO! I’ve made this into a series in case I choose to add one-shots in connection to this universe, but even if all that does come into fruition, it probably ((probably)) won’t be for a while. If you guys have any specific requests on possible topics, let me know and I’ll give it some thought! I’m currently thinking about doing a one-shot piece on how Seokmin and Minghao became friends, or a one-shot on Jun camping under the choir risers, but we’ll see.** 
> 
> Thank you all for reading and being supportive! I hope you guys have a beautiful day (or night) wherever you are in the world!

Kim Mingyu learns that falling in love with someone new isn’t the same experience over and over again.

Learning to fall in love with Jeon Jungkook was a rush of excitement circulating in his veins, and colors popped vibrantly, like he was seeing the world through brand new eyes.

Sharing his first ever kiss with Jeon Jungkook was a sweet moment, though slightly tinged with the natural hesitation of a teenage boy so new to the experience of first-time love.

Realizing love for Minghao on the other hand proves to be different. It starts with heartache and confusion, and for a short while, it hurts.

But they fix things and find each other; they always do…

 

**I.**

 

“Hold up. Stop right there, _Kim Mingyu_. What do you mean, you _still_ don’t have a date?”

Mingyu is seventeen and senior prom is just around the corner, coming up fast next month, and he still has no idea who he’s taking with him to the dance. His ex-boyfriend, Jeon Jungkook, gapes at him with disbelief.

“Kookie, _please_. Don’t let me repeat it. I’m already disappointed with myself.”

The two of them are in the athletics locker room. It’s a Friday afternoon and everyone else in their track team had already left for the weekend, leaving the two to lounge around and discuss Mingyu’s dilemma.

“Jesus, Gyu. Why didn’t you say anything? Hell, _I’d_ go with you as a friend if I knew sooner. I would’ve _offered_ to go with you if I had known before inviting Tae, who’s already caught in a tight schedule in Cali.” Jungkook looks at Mingyu with exasperation from where he’s perched upon a bench.

“That’s sweet of you. But honestly, the gossip would be _wild.”_ Mingyu says from where he’s sitting on the floor. As Jungkook rolls his eyes, Mingyu allows a fond smile to grace his lips.

 The two had broken up on good terms last year, feeling as if they were better off friends. The kisses had lost their usual spark and somewhere along the line, the dates became more like platonic outings. It wasn’t necessarily a bad thing, and both had appreciated the fun while it had lasted.

“Mingyu, what the hell am I going to do with you? Honestly, to hell with the gossip. It’s our final year here, and in two months we’d be gone. It wouldn’t have bothered me any. Besides, prom princes taking each other as dates? That’s couple goals right there.”

“I get that Kookie, but c’mon. Cut the bullshit. You’ve been waiting for an excuse to see your _Taehyung_ for months. I wasn’t going to strip that away from you.”

 “Awww, so sweet and considerate.” Jungkook smirks as he begins to swing his dangling legs. “Fine. So what kind of person are you looking for then?”

“To be honest, I’m thinking about just bringing someone who’s close, but almost all my friends in our grade have already found their dates. That, or they’re _fuckboi straight_ and would probably pull the ‘no-homo’ card, and I don’t want to deal with that shit right now.”

_“Word._ Alright, Gyu. In terms of friends from our graduating class, the key-word is _almost_ , but before we tackle that, you’re friends with some underclassman, right? Take one of them with you! They’ll love it! Boom! Problem solved.” Jungkook gives Mingyu a bright and hopeful smile, but the latter rolls his eyes.

“I already considered that, Kookie.” Mingyu tiredly sighs. “I’m pretty sure Seungkwan would sell his house for a limo if it meant showing up and looking like he’s ready to buy all of America. No one tries to outdo our Boo. As for Vernon, he’s the kind of kid who might seem normal at first glance, but the second a Drake song comes on, all dignity flies out the window. I’m also pretty confident that they plan on taking each other to their first prom once they hit their senior year— you know, once they stop being so oblivious to the fact they’re prefect for each other. Everyone’s put their bets on the table… Then there’s Chan, who’s still a sophomore and can’t style his own hair. I feel like as his elder, I need to protect him from the sins of horny kids who are trying too hard to be adults.” By the time Mingyu finishes, Jungkook snorts.

“Okay, so don’t bring along the babies of your huge-ass friend group. What about Seokmin? You’re both very close. Besties for life, right?”

“Yeah, and he was one of the first people I scratched off my list. Seokmin’s invited Soonyoung to come back to town as his date.”

“Fuck. Off. They’re _together_?” Jungkook asks, eyes widening in surprise, thrown off by the new piece of information.

“Yeah, I think so. They blurred the lines last year. They haven’t made it official though and Seokmin doesn’t make a big deal out of it, but I’m pretty sure everyone’s just taking it for what it sounds like _.”_

_“Interesting._ It’s funny; almost all your friends seem to be individually hovering in that awkward limbo when it comes to dating each other. Is so-an-so into so-in-so? Who knows, it’s a fucking mystery!” At Mingyu’s huff of laughter, Jungkook clicks his tongue. “Do _any of you_ actually have their feelings sorted out?”

“Yeah. Jeonghan and Seungcheol are official. Have been official for about two years now. Joshua’s stuck in that limbo between the three though, so, like you said, _who knows.”_

_“Amazing.”_ Jungkook mutters in partial disbelief and amusement before shaking his head and returning to the initial task at hand. “So how about inviting one of your older friends then? Jun would be fun to bring back, just to watch him wreak chaos on the dance floor, being all Mr. Steal-Your-Girl—”

“Junnie left for China to take a gap year; he said something about getting in touch with his roots… He even dragged Jihoon away with him. I’m not making them _both_ fly back for a one night stay— or worse, leave Ji to his own devices in the middle of China. Anyway, everyone else who’s graduated are busy in college right now. I’m not gonna disturb them from their studies.”

“Fine, so that leaves your other bestie… Minghao.”

_“No.”_ Mingyu shoots down the suggestion almost instantaneously. “He said he isn’t going and he’s determined to keep it that way.” He adds quickly at Jungkook’s arched eyebrow.

_“What?_ He’s missing out on his own senior prom? It’s pretty much a once-in-a-lifetime thing, unless you have a younger friend that invites you for their dance.”

_“Right?_ I made the point of telling him that when I first asked him who he was taking, and he straight up shot the topic down. He isn’t interested.” Mingyu shrugs. “For whatever reason, he just avoids all mentions of it like the plague. I’ve cracked jokes about him not having enough friends, but he’d just glare holes into space and quietly sulk, so now I’ve chosen to leave it be. It’s almost concerning how serious he takes this.”

Mingyu stands, picking up his bag off the floor, missing the brief moment that Jungkook takes to furrow his eyebrows in thought.

“Ask him again.” Jungkook says as they begin to slowly walk towards the locker room exit. “Ask him today. Like, as in before you leave this parking lot, shoot him a text.”

_“Excuse me?”_ Mingyu asks, stopping in his tracks, alarmed. “Don’t you _know_ , Hao? Yes means yes, and no means no. I don’t want a death sentence hanging over my head.” At this, Jungkook replies with his own pointed look.

“Actually, I _don’t_ know Hao very well. But I know him well enough because you _never_ shut up about him.” When Mingyu opens his mouth to protest, Jungkook raises a finger. “Just ask Minghao if he’d be willing to go with you. Poor dude’s probably just salty that he has no one to go with. Well you’re both stuck on the same boat right now. This way he doesn’t make the biggest regret of his life and you get to go with a date that you so _desperately_ want.”

“I’m not _desperate_.” Mingyu grimaces as he pushes open the locker room door. “I’m a strong, independent man who doesn’t need another man.” As the two exit the room and walk out onto the general athletics hall, Mingyu pauses in his tracks for a final time.

 “Wait, why would Hao skipping prom be the biggest regret of his life?” He spins around, head tilted in a way to express his curiosity.

Jungkook only blinks innocently back.

“Like I said, Gyu. It’s a once-in-a-lifetime experience.”

 

So that’s how Mingyu finds himself soon after, clutching onto Minghao’s knees as they sit side-by-side on Minghao’s lawn.

“Hao, _please!_ Just come with me.” Mingyu begs, digging his nails into the skin exposed from the holes on Minghao’s jeans.

Drawing Minghao out of the house was the first thing Mingyu had done the second he had left school, bombarding Minghao’s inbox with text messages of ‘wait for me outside your house, I want to talk to you.’

“For the final time, Gyu. I’m _not_ going.” Minghao sighed with slight irritation, prying off Mingyu’s hands from his kneecaps. “And Jesus Christ, you’re actually _clawing_ onto me— _let go!_ I don’t have the money for a suit, or the interest of being surrounded by teenagers grinding on each other, desperate to get laid in a bathroom stall.”

“So we compromise!” Mingyu claps his hands. “We’ll stay away from the dancefloor and judge other people’s outfits together! C’mon Hao; Seokmin works at Macy’s so that means suit discounts for the both of us!”

“I’m not getting Seokmin fired because of under-the-table discounts, just for a suit I’ll wear once in my life!”

“Then let me help you pay for it, dimwit!”

“Hell no!”

An intense stare down commences between the two with Mingyu pointedly glaring, his chin slightly jutted out in an attempt to assert dominance. Minghao on the other hand, subtly shifts around his jaw in irritation.

It’s Mingyu who drops his determination first.

“I can’t show up dateless, Hao.” Mingyu mumbles, looking down at the grass. “It’d be embarrassing. I’m a possible candidate for Prom King and I can’t even score a date.” Mingyu begins to tear at the vegetation.

“Yeah, exactly that, Gyu. You’re a contender for _Prom King_. The student body _loves_ you. Student Council voted for you to be up there with all the other prom royalty nominees when they were organizing prom because they _know_ how much you’re adored. I have no clue why you’re struggling to find a date.”

“Because I don’t wanna grab just _anybody_ , believe it or not Hao.” Mingyu rolls his eyes, like it’s the most obvious answer in the world. “I mean, it’d probably be a kind gesture and all, but it’s _my_ prom too, you know? I was thinking about it, and I figured it’d be cool if I could celebrate it with someone who actually means _something_ to me. And unfortunately for you, you fit the description of what I’m looking for.”

“Because I’m the only friend who is, _unfortunately for me,_ not taken?” Minghao deadpans, side-eying Mingyu who gives him a sheepish smile.

“Well, I mean, _you’re not wrong;_ but it isn’t a lie either! I really would like for you to come with me!”

“God,” Minghao grumbles, picking at a blade of grass. “It’s just _prom_. It’s not that deep, Gyu.” He licks his lips that suddenly feel dry. “You sound like you’re getting married instead of taking someone to a one-night dance where some kids are likely to sneak alcohol in the fruit punch and get the entire graduating class drunk. The charms of public school…”

Minghao hopes his voice doesn’t sound gravelly, because if he’s being honest to himself, getting the words out of his mouth proved to be a struggle…

Because Mingyu is staring at him now, expression open and honest… Because Mingyu wants to take him, Minghao— AKA, the best friend— to prom, instead of some other pretty face.

Because Minghao means something to Mingyu.

And goddammit, Minghao is so close to giving in and saying yes.

It’s pathetic, and Minghao acknowledges that he is weak.

Truth be told, Minghao still isn’t over Mingyu, and probably never will be. But over the past two years, he’s accepted that his feelings won’t be reciprocated. True, he could’ve taken his chance last year after Mingyu had split with Jungkook, but by then, Minghao had just made peace with keeping his feelings to himself.

Taking Jun’s advice, Minghao still stands by Mingyu’s side; the right hand man. Always.

It doesn’t hurt that much anymore. At least, that’s what Minghao forces himself to believe.

Minghao tells himself that it’s _enough_ ; to sit with Mingyu like right now is _enough_ — a _privilege_ to be so _close_ — and the self-reminders work well enough if Minghao doesn’t dwell upon his situation too deeply.

“Please Hao? For me?” Mingyu pleads, placing one hand on Minghao’s knee and the other hand just above it, resting on Minghao’s thigh. The contact is like electric, shocking Minghao back to reality, and with an imploring look, just like that, Mingyu successfully dismantles the remains of Minghao’s resolve.

“Fine.” Minghao concedes before shutting his eyelids tightly, swallowing the lump that’s gathered in his throat. “Fine, I’ll go with you to prom.”

“Sweet! I knew you’d eventually say yes!” Mingyu triumphantly punches at the air as Minghao opens his eyes and frowns. “You _never_ say no to me!”

“Yeah, you sure got me there, Gyu.” Minghao mutters under his breath, and Mingyu turns to looks at him, grin slipping away.

“You’re supposed to be _happy.”_ Mingyu pouts and Minghao shoots him an unamused stare before looking away.

Because if he can’t show how head-over-heels he is, or the internal panic on how this outing reeks of disaster, Minghao will display the best damn poker-face he can manage.

There’s a lull in the conversation until Mingyu breaks the silence.

“Hao.” There’s a change in Mingyu’s tone. “Hao Hao. Can I be serious for a second though? I really do appreciate this.” The words come out warm and gentle, washing over Minghao’s thoughts that are buzzing.

The break in Mingyu’s dialogue serves as an opportunity for him to lean over and rest his chin on Minghao’s shoulder.

“Look, I know going to a boring-ass dance is probably the last thing you want to do… Hell, you’ve _always_ skipped out on Homecoming dances… You only came out to the games to support me. I just… I want you to know that it truly does mean a lot to me that you’re doing this, okay? You’re the best, and I mean it. Of all the people in the world, I’m just happy I get to take you.”

The confession is soft to Minghao’s ear, Mingyu’s faint exhales hitting against his neck, and the overall sweetness of the statement makes Minghao peer at Mingyu through his periphery.

Minghao finds that the idiot has his eyes closed, face serene, and the sight forces Minghao’s mouth to curve into a grudging smile.

_“Fucking sap.”_ Minghao half-whispers, and when he turns his head to fully face Mingyu, the latter pulls away, beaming brightly at the words of endearment. The sight makes Minghao’s heart swell, as if it weren’t already on the verge of bursting.

 “I owe you _big time.”_ Mingyu sighs with relief.

“Shut up, you don’t owe me anything.” Minghao rolls his eyes before shoving Mingyu playfully to the side, the action eliciting a yelp sounding of mixed surprise and glee. “Now go, before your mother starts wondering why her precious son is not home.”

“I live right next door! My car is in the drive way! My cell—”

“Yeah, yeah, get off my lawn, you crazy kid.”

_“I’m older than you by six months!”_ Mingyu laughs as he stands. “But seriously; _anything_ Hao. You name it. Take it as my apology for dragging you against your will.”

“Fine, I’ll _think_ about it. But I really need to go back in and finish a paper for econ.” The lie slips smoothly through Minghao’s teeth. After making a shooing gesture, he watches as Mingyu holds his arms up in surrender.

“Okay, okay. Leaving. Right now. I’ll see you tomorrow!”

“Yeah, man! Later.”

Once in the safe confines of his room, Minghao collapses onto his bed and stares up at the ceiling.

_“…Anything Hao. You name it…”_ Mingyu had said, and Minghao inhales sharply, attempting to gather his thoughts which have gone astray.

This is _bad_.

He should’ve said no. He should’ve told Mingyu to find someone else…

“I don’t want much from you, Mingyu.” Minghao says to himself, his whispered voice going unheard, filling up the space in between his four walls, and goddammit; he really doesn’t want to think about this right now. He doesn’t want to spend the time or energy to dwell on this too much, or else he may just end up crying.

_But you can’t give me just anything. All I want is your heart, but it isn’t mine to have…_

It’s the next day when Minghao decides to haul his ass out of bed instead of wasting his morning alone in his room, contemplating his poor life decisions. He wakes up at seven and spends the next hour looking at the ceiling before he decides to shoot a text to Seokmin, begging to be picked up so he doesn’t have to spend the day alone with his thoughts.

Under normal circumstances, he would’ve invited Mingyu too, but the circumstances _aren’t_ normal and Minghao’s head is currently a mess

Later he finds that he doesn’t feel any better being out of the house either, to be honest.

Embracing the reality of prom and browsing for suits in a David Bridal’s shop just makes him feel worse.

“You look good in red.” Seokmin offers gently after Minghao had walked out of the dressing room. With a slow approach, Seokmin stops right in front of Minghao, who stares blankly into space.

With careful hands, the taller boy fiddles with Minghao’s bowtie.

Seokmin keeps his peace. Minghao will speak if he wants to.

 “I can’t do it, Seokmin.” Minghao finally croaks after a moment of silence. “I can fake that I don’t love him— I’ve done it long enough, but this is stretching it. I _can’t_ fake this. It’ll be too much. Seokmin, _I can’t go.”_

Seokmin transfers his gaze to Minghao’s face and shoots his friend a look of concern.

“Then why did you say yes?”

“Is this a real questions Seokmin? It’s because he’s _Mingyu_ and he’s been one of my best friends since we were five. Because the idiot pulled out the puppy eyes trick, which should be fucking _illegal_. Because in the end I couldn’t say _no_. _”_ Minghao’s words come out in a ramble without second’s worth of pause, the teenager staring hard at his mismatched socks; his fingers knotted in his hair.

_“Weak.”_ Seokmin accuses softly with a fond face. Minghao pins him down with a look of distress, and Seokmin rolls his eyes before grabbing a hold of Minghao’s shoulders. Bumping their foreheads together, Seokmin begins his mantra of encouragement.

“Look; you’ve managed to save face for this long. You can do it again for one night. It’ll probably be a bit tough with everyone, particularly Gyu, dressed all nice and couples being everywhere you turn; that’s probably not gonna help your feelings or anything, but just know that Soonyoung and I are gonna be there too. If it gets too much, just know that we’ll be there for you— even if it means camping out in your room all night, passing you tissues, okay?” Seokmin grins at Minghao’s wrinkled nose.

“I’m not gonna cry.” Minghao scoffs, pulling away, and Seokmin raises his hands in surrender.

“Hypothetical situation. O’course you’re not. You get the idea though.” At Minghao’s sigh of exasperation, Seokmin’s expression melts into one of genuine kindness.

“I mean it though, Hao. I’m here for you. I always have, and I always will be. I made a pinky promise when we were four. Don’t you remember that day when we were sitting in the cursed woodchip box?” Seokmin’s lips lift into an impish grin when Minghao lets out a tiny snort of amusement. “Mrs. Ahmed sent us to time-out and then I told you we were gonna be best friends forever.”

“And I sang to you that ‘You are my Sunshine’ song afterwards? Yeah, Seokmin. I remember.”

Seokmin holds up his pinky finger in an offering, and Minghao looks at it, as if recalling every detail of that fateful day when they were young children. Looking up at Seokmin, Minghao weakly smiles and hooks their fingers together.

The returned gesture is enough. Minghao’s smile, though barely there, is enough.

Everything is not 100% okay, and Seokmin won’t promise that prom night won’t be a disaster. He won’t promise that everything will play out to be sunshine and daisies like the ideal fairytale. He won’t promise that prom night won’t leave a scar or two.

So Seokmin will promise what he can.

Friendship. Loyalty. Trust. All things that can be proven and guaranteed.

It’s the few things Seokmin knows he can offer.

But for now, _it’s enough._

 “So tell me again why Hao won’t just spit it out and confess already?” Soonyoung asks after a few weeks pass and he hangs around in Seokmin’s room. The two are laying side-by-side on the floor, already dressed in their matching navy suits, now watching the ceiling fan go in circles. “Everyone knows except for Gyu. We’re just all waiting for Hao to spill.”

 “He’s not as forward about this, unlike _some_ people.” Seokmin elbows Soonyoung playfully to the side, the older of the two letting out a release of giggles. “I guess for us it helps that we were so obviously into each other and were both eager to try dating. For Hao though…He’s scared.” Seokmin lowers his voice.  

“Realistically, there shouldn’t be anything holding him back. Gyu’s sexuality is already out in the open and they’re both single. But they’re also close friends; Gyu’s legit happy with his single life, and at this point, I think Minghao’s just assuming that all Mingyu will ever see in him is friendship.”

 “But this is so frustrating!” Soonyoung clicks his tongue and sits up. “And stupid! Why does everyone have to make things so complicated? Their dramas are starting to make _me_ feel old. First Jun and Ji, who managed to fix things and have happily eloped to China. Now on one hand there’s Joshua, Jeonghan and Seungcheol— two thirds of the trio already dating, leaving the other unsure of where he fits in this three way; and on the other hand we have Minghao, who’s chasing after an oblivious puppy Mingyu. Wonwoo’s the only person who’s single and chill with no romantic ties with anyone. Seungkwan and Vernon are the next to give me anxiety. I can feel it. I swear; I’m mailing Chan a chastity belt, because I can also sense that puberty is going to hit him like a train soon and that boy’s going to be a little shit about it. I’m _that_ close to being done with these kids!”

Seokmin, who had maneuvered himself so he could lay his head onto Soonyoung’s lap, lets out a laugh— loud and clear like bells.

“Babe, you’ve been done since middle school when Junnie started camping out in the choir room under the risers, just to hear Jihoon sing.” Seokmin pokes at Soonyoung’s chin playfully and when Soonyoung looks down at his boyfriend’s smile, his heart skips a beat. Every laughter line on Seokmin’s face is precious.

_“But I feel old.”_ Soonyoung whines, combing his fingers through Seokmin’s hair. “Grey hairs, baby. I’m getting _grey_ _hairs!”_

“Let me update your name on the group chat then. Do you want to be grandma or grandpa?”

Soonyoung chuckles and leans down to kiss Seokmin’s nose.

They really did have it easy.

 

* * *

 

**II**

 

There’s a saying often condensed to something called Murphy’s Law: _whatever can go wrong, will go wrong._

Prom night lays testament to that…

 

 “I’m sorry Hao.” A voice speaks up behind Minghao. Minghao closes his eyes and lets out a quiet exhale before turning around. Mingyu stands there on the track, hands stowed in his pockets— the crown on his head glimmering under the stadium lights. “I haven’t been able to spend time with you all night, and I was the one who dragged you here.”

 “You’ve been busy being the prom king.” Minghao calls out in a steady voice as Mingyu approaches, the latter with his head ducked down, shoes scuffing the grass. “You won for a reason. People admire you and it’s only fair that you return them that love.”

Mingyu’s reached him by the time he finishes speaking, and Mingyu laughs, but it’s quiet and devoid of amusement.

“Yeah, but it’s not fair to _you.”_ Mingyu mutters, and with a tentative hand, he brushes at Minghao’s hair that’s been ruffled by the night’s breeze. “And using the word ‘love’ feels like a stretch. But I’m pretty sure I’ve danced with almost everyone, shared a toast with some others, and hung around for a few conversations. I didn’t spend a mere few minutes with you since we got here, and that’s _pitiful_. I told you that we’d judge people’s outfits together, and we didn’t even do that. I’m a terrible date.”

“It wasn’t your fault.” Minghao shakes his head in protest. “The second we got here, yearbook crew was already on a manhunt for you and the rest of athletics department. After the photoshoot, it all trickled down from there. It’s not like you wanted to get bounced around by the entire senior student body.”

“Yeah, but still. I could’ve said no.” Mingyu grumbles.

“But you didn’t, and it’s cool with me, so don’t worry about it.” Minghao forces a smile before looking up at the sky. He pretends he doesn’t notice the frown that’s taken over Mingyu’s lips.

“It’s pretty out here, don’t you think?” Minghao attempts to steer the conversation away, but the method is weak and apparently Mingyu thinks so too by the way he catches Minghao’s hands.

“Yeah, sure, it’s real pretty, Hao.” Mingyu says with a huff and he grins when Minghao looks back at him, surprised. “I haven’t danced with you yet either. So, if you don’t mind, I’m claiming my dance right now.”

“There’s no music out here, Dum-Dum Pop.” Minghao says faintly, but he doesn’t pull away. Instead, he swings their arms in a playful motion, as if they’re playing London Bridge as kids again.

“I’m the King and I’m ordering you to dance with me.” Mingyu says, schooling a stern face, and at Minghao’s raised eyebrows and slightly amused expression, he lets out a giggle. “Just imagine your own music, stupid.” Mingyu sighs, drawing Minghao closer.

The two proceed to sway, with one of Mingyu’s arms wrapped around Minghao’s lower back; Minghao’s arm rests on it, hand positioned on Mingyu’s shoulder.

To Mingyu, this feels right. He doesn’t have to worry if he’s lingering for too long, or if he’s invading too much space. He doesn’t have to worry if his palms are too sweaty or if his movements are awkward and mismatched with Minghao’s pace. He doesn’t have to worry about making feeble attempts at small talk just to fill up the space between them. Dancing with Minghao is just right because the contact is familiar.

But to Minghao, the contact has his heart racing and he refuses to look up at Mingyu’s face, focusing instead on the buttons of Mingyu’s shirt. He can’t look up. Everything feels too warm, intimate and fragile all of a sudden, and he might stop breathing altogether if he does chance a look.

_Damn you, Mingyu. Damn you straight to hell._

“Hao, can you look at me please?” Mingyu asks, and with some reluctance, Minghao does.

The smile Mingyu wears is striking.

“I don’t think I said this earlier, at least in a serious way, but…you really _do_ look good tonight.” Mingyu compliments, and the ‘thank you’ that Minghao wants to say gets lodged in the back of his throat. With one arm still around Minghao’s lower back, Mingyu disjoins their interlocked hands and opens the blazer of his jacket, pulling out a rose.

_Prom winner’s bouquet._

“I managed to save one.” Mingyu declares proudly, holding the flower out in the small space between the two boys. “It wouldn’t be right if I gave all my flowers away without giving one to the person who deserves it the most. You know, for putting up with my bullshit.”

Minghao slowly takes the rose, and lifts it to his nose. The smell isn’t strong anymore, but it still lingers. Twirling the flower’s stem between his index finger and thumb, Minghao holds the rose close to his chest. If he closes his eyes, he can pretend…

“I don’t want this to change after we graduate. Promise me that, Hao? That no matter how far apart we are, we’ll stay like this? Have I ever told you how thankful I am that you walked over that one afternoon and gave me grief over an ant? How thankful I am that you’re my best friend?”

The sincerity of Mingyu’s voice and the fact that he still has no clue in the world about how Minghao feels sends a stab at Minghao’s heart, and just like that, the charm of the moment is gone.

Suddenly, it hurts too much.

Minghao gently detaches himself from Mingyu’s hold and smiles.

It’s a weak thing— a pained curve of the lips; a smile that holds no real joy.

And Minghao decides that he can’t do this anymore.

He doesn’t want to keep closing his eyes and pretending.

He decides that it’s time to lay out all his cards on the table, and if it leaves him even more heartbroken… well… perhaps it’ll be what he deserves.

“Of course we won’t change. And you remind me about our friendship every day.” Minghao croaks, and Mingyu frowns and blinks in such a painfully naïve way, but he doesn’t say anything; encouraging Minghao to continue.

“It’s not _fair_ , Gyu.”

“What’s not fair?”

“Us. _This.”_

The confusion on Mingyu’s face would be laughable if Minghao wasn’t on the verge of spilling out the biggest secret he’s held onto for too long.

“I don’t understand—”

“You _never_ have understood, you _blind_ idiot.” Minghao chuckles fondly as he swipes at a tear threatening to fall. “I didn’t want to come to this stupid dance with you, _and I regret it so much,_ saying yes…”

“Hao Hao, you’re not making any sense…”

“Connect the dots, Mingyu!” Minghao cries out. _“I love you, okay?”_ He takes a step back and watches as horror and understanding slowly floods Mingyu’s face.

It doesn’t bring Minghao any satisfaction. The confession doesn’t feel good at all. Instead, he feels something shatter inside, and the pieces are crumbling into the pits of his stomach as he watches the sinking realization color across Mingyu’s features.

“And no, _not_ as a _friend_. Not as a _brother_. But as someone who legitimately wants to hold _your_ stupid hand, and go out on stupid dates with _you_. I love you so much, Gyu.”

Minghao doesn’t bother to hold in his tears, and lets them fall.

“I love you so damn much, okay? So much that I’d rather keep it to myself than risk losing you as a friend. Because I’d rather be at your side than not have you there at all.”

 “How long?” Mingyu asks, frozen in his place.

The crooked smile Minghao gives is enough of an answer.

“Does it matter? Since we were sophomores.”

Mingyu looks away right then and there, covering his face with his hands. He begins to pace, and his hands travel upward, raking through his hair, nails scratching at his scalp, plastic crown falling with a soft _thud_ onto the ground.

_Three years. Three damn years, and I never suspected a thing._

Turning to face Minghao, Mingyu opens his mouth to speak but no words come out, prompting him to seal his lips as he watches Minghao approach.

Minghao holds out the rose.

“I can’t take this from you, Gyu.” Minghao says quietly, and when Mingyu stands there unmoving, Minghao takes Mingyu’s hand and gently wraps the male’s stiff fingers around the rose. “I can’t take it and pretend it means something I want it to mean when it _doesn’t,_ so give it to someone else, like all the other roses you gave away, and on Monday if we see each other at school, let’s pretend I never said anything.”

“Hao.”

“I’m going home now. I’ll call my mother to pick me up…”

_“Hao.”_

Minghao hasn’t looked at him, still isn’t looking at him, and when Minghao brushes past him, Mingyu spins around and grabs at Minghao’s hand.

“I’m _sorry,_ Hao. I’m so _sorry_ that I don’t feel the same way.” Mingyu hates himself for saying it, but what else is there to be said? He owes it to be truthful, even if the truth hurts them both.

Minghao pauses in his steps, turning his head just slightly, and when he speaks, his voice is small and soft.

“Don’t apologize.” Minghao squeezes Mingyu’s hand, a slight reassurance that he is being honest. “I don’t blame you, Gyu. I don’t hold anything against you at all. I just wanted to say that I loved you because it was eating me inside.”

Dropping Mingyu’s hand, Minghao looks up at Mingyu and, on instinct, reaches to wipe away the other’s tears before stopping mid-way and refraining. With tears rolling down his own face, Minghao looks away and stalks off towards the school building, leaving Mingyu to cry alone.

“You would have never lost me, Hao.” Mingyu wants to desperately call out, remembering what Minghao had told him— what Minghao had feared— but the words leave him in a whisper. His mind races, and he wants to yell ‘ _come back come back, let’s fix this and make it better! Come back, please come back!’_ but Mingyu doesn’t, and he bites his lip down instead.

_I would never leave you like that. Not you. Never you._

 

Mingyu spends an hour laying out in the middle of the football field, staring at the stars. It’s Seokmin and Soonyoung who find him sprawled out on the lawn.

“Gyu?” Seokmin says softly, sitting beside Mingyu, the latter shifting his head to look at him tearfully. “Hao Hao finally told you, didn’t he?”

“He loves me.” Mingyu whispers. “Seokmin, he _loves_ me, and I hurt him.”

“You didn’t hurt him, Gyu. It’s not your fault.” Seokmin reaches over and wipes away Mingyu’s tears with the sleeves of his suit jacket.

“Did you know?” Mingyu asks, high pitched and childlike, and Seokmin’s heart breaks.

“Yeah, I knew.” Seokmin answers gently, before patting the spot beside him that isn’t occupied by Soonyoung. The gesture draws Mingyu in, and the teenager crawls over, sniffling, head ducked down in melancholy.

Seokmin holds him close.

“We’re gonna get you home, Gyu.” Seokmin murmurs into Mingyu’s hair, feeling the other boy nod his head in understanding.  “Soonyoung will drive us, right Soonyoung?” Seokmin glances over to Soonyoung who nods automatically.

“Absolutely. I don’t mind.”

 

As Mingyu and Seokmin pack into the backseat, Soonyoung peers into the rear view mirror.

“Do you want one or both of us to stay with you tonight?” Soonyoung asks gently, peering over his shoulder. Mingyu, who had managed to stop crying as they walked slowly through the parking lot, shakes his head.

“No, it’s okay. I can manage.”

“You sure?” Soonyoung asks as he twists Mingyu’s key into the ignition. The car starts as Soonyoung attentively watches Mingyu from the rearview mirror, catching how the younger nods his head; it’s a slight movement, but Soonyoung takes it as a confirmation and doesn’t ask again.

As Soonyoung reverses the vehicle, Seokmin’s fingers tap at Mingyu’s knuckles.

It’s a gentle gesture. A physical question asking if the contact is welcome. Mingyu flips his hand over and entangles Seokmin’s fingers with his own. Seokmin’s hold is a brief squeeze of comfort before his grip eases.

Mingyu squeezes back. A non-verbal message of ‘thank you,’ and ‘I’m glad you’re here.’

As Seokmin stares out of his window, fingers still intertwined with his best friend’s, he allows his gaze to gloss over houses that look the same. He tries not to dwell too much on his thoughts, but it’s difficult not to when the silence and monotony of his surroundings offer no distraction.

Minghao and Mingyu are crumbling, and he’s caught in the middle.

Seokmin only hopes that nothing’s been broken beyond repair.

He hopes that the love he bears for both of his best friends is enough to keep them all afloat until they work things out together.

Seokmin swallows down his doubts.

_No._

They always find each other in the end. Always. In almost every memory Seokmin holds dear, there is Minghao and there is Mingyu, and he wouldn’t have it any other way. He won’t.

Whatever’s been broken can still mend. Seokmin believes in this.

“Will you check up on him?” Mingyu croaks out in the dark. “Will you check and see if he’s okay?”

Seokmin glances over at Mingyu, who’s blankly looking out the window, before catching Soonyoung’s concerned eye in the rearview mirror.

“He needs someone, Seokmin. Will you guys stay with him tonight? Please?” Mingyu whispers. Seokmin focuses back to Mingyu, who’s now looking at him— like Seokmin’s words are the only thing that matters to him right now.

“But what about you? You need someone too, Gyu.”

“I’ll be okay, Seokmin. I promise.”

_That’s a lie._ But Seokmin lets the silence sit— takes in the sight of Mingyu who’s staring bleakly back.

“Yeah, Gyu. We’ll stay with him.”

 

(( Minghao clings onto Seokmin that night as three boys squeeze close on a twin sized mattress. ))

(( Seokmin sings, soft and gentle, his fingers entangled with Minghao’s while Soonyoung hums along, the oldest male’s chest sending vibrations against Minghao’s back. ))

 

Mingyu spends his night plucking rose petals and watching them fall onto his bedroom floor.

When a knock sounds against his door, he doesn’t bother to look up as he says “come in.” It’s his mother, walking in with a cup of brewed tea.

 “Oh my darling,” is all she says as she puts the cup of tea down on his bedside table before sitting at her son’s side, wrapping her arms around Mingyu as he slumps against her hold.

 “He loves me mom. And I broke his heart.” Mingyu feels tears burn at his eyes. “I would never hurt him, but I did it without knowing.” Mingyu sniffles and the arms around him tighten.

“Shhhh, it’s not your fault, nor is it Minghao’s. Love can be such a fickle little thing, but it’ll be okay.” Mrs. Kim says softly as she begins to sway from where she sits, rocking them both slightly side-to-side. Rocking always used to cease her son’s cries when he was young.

“But it hurts.” Mingyu says, pulling away, shaking his head. “And if what I feel is pain, Minghao must be hurting more. I also feel guilt— like I’ve broken something I can’t fix.” Mrs. Kim reaches over to swipe at Mingyu’s fresh tears.

“But this pain isn’t permanent, and if I know any better, it’s that you boys share such an amazing bond that can’t be broken.” She cups Mingyu’s cheek with her hand. “Things will heal, sweetheart. Things will get better. You’ll see.” She leans forward and kisses Mingyu softly on the forehead.

“I love you, mom.”

“I love you too.”

 

* * *

 

**III.**

It’s Monday morning, and B Lunch rolls around when Seungkwan, Vernon and Chan learn that something is wrong.

Seungkwan and Vernon are already settled around their usual table at the back of the cafeteria next to the windows, working on physics homework for the next period when Chan approaches to take his usual seat to Seungkwan’s left. The sophomore drops his tray onto the table and glances around before sitting.

“Are Seokmin and the Mings not here today?” Chan asks as Vernon copies the answers Seungkwan had just finished scribbling down.

“Seokmin’s here today. He was in choir this morning.” Seungkwan states, looking over at Chan, the latter occupying himself with sticking a straw through his Capris Sun juice pouch.

“And I saw Mingyu walking down the halls earlier.” Vernon pitches in, lowering his pencil momentarily to knit his eyebrows in thought. “He had a bathroom pass, but I think he was just wandering around. He had this blank look on his face. He looked pretty tired too.”

“Weird. Are they eating lunch out together then?” Chan asks, tilting his head. “I thought we have a closed campus?”

“We do.” Seungkwan answers, rolling his eyes and taking a Dorito from Vernon’s bag of chips. “That doesn’t stop anyone though. Take for instance Jeonghan. You met him, right? Summer party at Jun’s? Pretty guy with the long hair? Lounged around on the hammock for almost the whole day?” Seungkwan grins as Chan cringes.

“Yeah, he kept cooing at me whenever I passed. He told me I was cute. Like a giant baby. He also told me to stay away from the alcohol.”

“Yep, that’s mother Jeonghan. Anyways, on the days he actually showed up for school during his senior year, he’d always leave right before choir to go to Starbucks. He’d come back, twenty-to-thirty minutes later with a Venti sized caramel Frappuccino in his hand like the basic bitch he is.”

“Oh, like you’re not basic yourself?” Seokmin smugly interrupts, coming from out of nowhere. “Stop talking trash about our mother BooBoo.” He lowers his books onto the table and takes his usual seat in front of the underclassmen. Shadowing him is Mingyu, who nods an awkward greeting at their younger friends.

“Go on, snitch on me then!” Seungkwan challenges. “And you’re calling me basic?” The junior lets out a huff of disbelief. “I’m top quality! The furthest thing there is from being basic!” He arches an eyebrow at Seokmin and proceeds to take a sip from his can of Arizona Iced Tea.

“Hey dudes.” Vernon finally greets, looking up from his paper. “You’re lucky you’re done with physics. This is hell. Wait, is Minghao not here today?” He asks, gaze flickering between Seokmin and Mingyu.

Mingyu pointedly ignores the question and busies himself with unpacking his sack lunch.

“No, he’s here. He’s having lunch with BamBam at the library. He said something about finishing a research paper for government class.” Seokmin informs with pseudo-nonchalance, something that Seungkwan quickly picks up on, going by Mingyu’s rigid posture and indifferent mask.

Deciding to test the waters, Seungkwan puts down his sandwich and swallows the food in his mouth. Leaning forward, he taps at Mingyu’s can of coke. The upperclassman looks up and blinks curiously at Seungkwan’s smiling face.

“I heard your name over the announcements this morning by the way! Congrats on winning prom king last Friday!”

The smile Mingyu gives is weary at best.

“Thanks. Yeah, it was…it was great, I guess.” Mingyu nervously laughs. “It was fun. Prom was fun.”

“Well _that_ sounds convincing.” Chan sarcastically drawls out while prodding at the chicken nuggets on his lunch tray. Seungkwan stomps on Chan’s foot, drawing a yelp of dismay from the youngest teenager.

“So like, besides dancing, what _do_ you do at prom?” Vernon asks with genuine curiosity. Seokmin shrugs.

“You pretty much hang out, and when the dance is over, people leave and go to the after-parties or branch off and do their own thing.”

“Did y’all go to any after-parties then?” Seungkwan leans forward in interest.

“Uh, no?”

“Did y’all host your own mini after-party at least?” Vernon pipes up. “That’s what I would’ve done. Hold a sleepover and binge watch horror films.” Seungkwan shoots him an incredulous look.

“Yes, imagine coming home after a slow dance and putting on something like _Silence of the Lambs_. You’re quite the romantic.” Seungkwan states dryly before looking over at Seokmin. “Please tell me you didn’t actually binge watch horror films.”

“No, but the sleep over part was pretty accurate.” Seokmin scratches at his head. It’s then when Mingyu abruptly stands and begins stuffing his lunch back into his paper bag before downing his coke in one gulp.

“Government paper.” Mingyu chokes out as four people watch him in varying degrees of alarm. “Gotta go.” They watch wordlessly as Mingyu shoulders his backpack and leaves like the devil is at his heels. Once he’s out of earshot, three pair of eyes fall on Seokmin.

“The government paper is a lie!” Chan blurts out

“Are Mingyu and Minghao fighting?” Vernon asks next, concerned.

“What the hell happened on prom?” Seungkwan demands.

Seokmin sighs. “You guys, this really isn’t our business—”

“Minghao told, didn’t he?” Vernon cuts in. “He finally told Mingyu how he felt.”

Seungkwan sucks air through his teeth, and Chan glances over to Seokmin for confirmation, the youngest wearing a new expression of worry. Vernon steadily holds Seokmin’s gaze.

“And I guess Mingyu didn’t feel the same way, so that’s why everything’s so awkward.” Vernon presses on. “They’re not really working on government class stuff, are they? It’s all just an excuse to avoid each other.”

“I mean, now that you pretty much mentioned it, yeah. That’s what’s going on.” Seokmin ducks his head and runs his fingers through his hair. “They’re both still hurting right now. Gyu keeps asking how Hao’s doing but doesn’t actually seek Hao out, and Hao’s just keeping to himself.”

“That’s not good.” Seungkwan states, face soft. “They need to talk to each other. Even now, they still obviously care for each other, and it’s so sad that they’re pushing each other away when they need to pull together.” Chan and Vernon both nod and make sounds of agreement while Seokmin exhales before slumping forward, propping his temple against his wrist.

“That’s what I’ve tried telling them this weekend, but it’s not coming through, and I’m not going to force it, even though I want to. They’re both stubborn and they’re not ready to talk to each other right now.”

“But the year’s ending soon.” Chan points out, and his three older friends peer over at him sadly. “You guys are gonna graduate and go to college. They should make up before going away.”

“They’ll make up.” Seungkwan nods firmly before Seokmin can reply. “If there’s one thing I know, it’s that they do have a deep love for each other. There’s so many different kinds of love in the world, and even though the romantic love is unrequited, they do have a platonic love, right? I don’t think they’ll waste that. They care for each other too much. I believe in that.”

Seokmin stares at the underclassman with genuine fondness. The junior boy was dramatic and vocal, charming and confident, but Seungkwan also had a heart of gold, and Seokmin admired the younger boy greatly for that.

He watches as Vernon wraps an arm around Seungkwan’s shoulders, the latter beaming at Vernon brightly, and the moment suddenly feels private, so Seokmin looks away and focuses on Chan instead; the youngest teenager currently in the middle of dissecting his chicken nuggets.

_It’ll be fine._ Seokmin tells himself. _It’ll be okay._

The game of avoidance goes on for a week and a half.

Neither Mingyu nor Minghao join their usual cluster for lunch.

BamBam accompanies Minghao in the library and the two opt on silent company, sharing earphones while working on classwork.

Jungkook takes Mingyu out to the bleachers and distracts him with commentary on the poor freshmen assigned to run laps.

In the lunchroom, the table feels empty despite there being only two seats unoccupied.

Chan tries to carry a conversation on a particular dance arrangement he’s made up, but the attempt fizzles out without Minghao to keep it going.

Seungkwan doesn’t have Mingyu to tease, his clumsy puppy absent and taking his signature warmth with him.

Vernon doesn’t have Minghao to play with; Minghao being the tactile older brother who goes along with his petty slap fights and poke wars and mock choke holds. He doesn’t have Mingyu to creatively make raps with and steal food from.

And Seokmin… Seokmin smiles and pretends he doesn’t feel their absence the most, because he has three younger boys to entertain and he doesn’t want to worry them. He misses Mingyu and Minghao though; not in a distant way— he can visit either friend at any time— but in an emotional way. He feels the shift in their three-way dynamic, and it’s not right. It doesn’t feel right, being apart on shaky and uncertain terms…

 

“Alright, I can’t do this.” BamBam announces on a Wednesday, taking out the earphone in his ear and snatching Minghao’s phone— Minghao’s shared earbud falls onto the desk.

“Dude.” Minghao looks up from his assignment for pre-calculus, and stares at the impassive face looking right back at him. “Dude, give me back my phone.”

“Yeah, no man. That’s not happening.” BamBam proceeds to wrap the earphones around the phone and makes the scene of standing up and placing the device into his back pocket. “We need to talk about your little problem.”

“Bam, I’ll choke you myself, I swear to God. I’m not talking to you about this. You, of all people.” Minghao hisses. BamBam smirks.

“Choking? That’s kinky Hao. When you and Mingyu hook up, you should totally try that.” At this, BamBam cheekily grins as Minghao flushes red and glances around for the librarian.

Minghao wonders if he can get away with sticking his pen through BamBam’s jugular.

“You are dead to me.” He leans forward and hisses. BamBam pouts before sitting back down.

“But friends who dab together, stay together.”

“You’re a monster.” Minghao groans, hiding his face in his hands. “What about my problem do you even want to talk about?”

“Easy. The fact that you’re avoiding Mingyu is shit.” BamBam answers simply. When Minghao drops his hands and leans back into his chair, BamBam tilts his head to the side and blinks.

“Okay, so why is it so shitty?” Minghao asks.

“Are you serious?” BamBam huffs out in exasperation. _“Dude,_ everyone knows how gone for each other you two are. It’s no secret that you walk around like you’re shot by cupid every time you’re around Mingyu. But you’re already self-aware. Mingyu is just as big of a mess though, surprise! The guy practically looks at you with heart eyes—”

“BamBam, shut up.” Minghao interrupts coldly. “If you’re doing this just to get my hopes up in an attempt to make me happy, you can just shut up now.”

“No, I’m not gonna shut up.” BamBam frowns. “I’m gonna be blunt with you. If you continue this ignoring game, you’re both gonna end up regretting it. You’re gonna lose each other, and you’ll hate yourself even more for it. _Jesus Christ,_ I don’t know if you’ve noticed, but the misery virus is spreading. Seokmin’s smiles are as fake as Kim Kardashian’s ass. I walked to the water fountain over at the cafeteria yesterday, and your table has an imaginary rain cloud pouring over everyone’s head. It’s been a week and a half, man.”

“Are you done?” Minghao asks, not bearing to look at BamBam’s face.

_“Bitch, do I sound like I’m done?_ No, I’m not. Not today, Satan. We’re fixing this one step at a time and your intervention starts now. _Mingyu?_ He misses you.” BamBam watches as Minghao bites his lower lip. Good. “I share economics with him, fifth period. He always asks for you. Everyday. He asks if you eat during lunch break. He asks if you’re falling behind on any classes. If you look well rested. If you’re okay. And each time I tell him you’re fine, I know he doesn’t believe me. And he looks downright miserable.” At this, Minghao looks at him.

“Dude.” BamBam sighs. “Minghao. Listen to me, please. Don’t you get it? Mingyu does love you. He loves you to the moon and back. If it wasn’t love, then why else would he care so damn much?”

 

“One thing’s for sure. I’m not gonna miss running laps.” Jungkook muses as he and Mingyu watch four remaining freshmen struggle to finish their mile run.

“Amen to that.” Mingyu snorts, taking a swig from his water bottle. Silence befalls the two of them as they hear a whistle sound. They watch the first of the four runners cross the starting line and collapse onto the asphalt.

“Remember when that was us freshman year?” Jungkook snickers. “Our first ever football practice? Namjoon was captain of varsity at the time and we hardly made the JV cuts?”

“Oh God, my tryouts were embarrassing. I tripped so much.” Mingyu grumbles, covering his face with his hands. Jungkook glances over at his ex and smiles.

“Yeah, but at least you had a lot of good friends supporting you every day during after school practice.”

“I did.” Mingyu agrees quietly, drawing his knees up to his chest and staring out at the students laying scattered throughout the football field.

“I remember on the first day of practice, walking out here onto the track, I glanced over at the bleachers and there was this weird ass group of five Asian kids going crazy for some dude named Kim Mingyu.” Jungkook teases, and Mingyu looks down in an embarrassed smile.

“Oh God, they really were insane. Wonwoo and Seokmin were stomping on the bleachers to the beat of We Will Rock You by Queen, while Soonyoung, Junnie and Minghao were off doing their own little cheerleader dance.”

“It was the cringiest thing I had ever seen in my life.” Jungkook said, shaking his head, and Mingyu shoves him to the side playfully.

“Shut up, I thought it was cute.” Mingyu states defensively.

“Okay, _sure Jan.”_ Jungkook concedes before pausing. With a sigh he then turns to look at Mingyu again, this time turning his tone serious. “What are you doing out here Mingyu?” Mingyu shoots him a bewildered look.

“What do you mean?”

“I mean exactly what I said, Gyu. What are you doing out here, on the bleachers, when you could be having lunch right now with your friends?”

“Are you not my friend?”

“I am, but let’s be real. Ever since we broke up, I’m not usually your first choice for company.” Jungkook’s lips twitch into a smirk at the scandalized look that blossoms on Mingyu’s face.

“Kookie! That’s…I… _Dude!”_

“Relax, Gyu. I just telling it how it is, and I’m not offended. So be real with me. Please.”

“Jungkook—”

“How long are you going to play the avoiding game with Minghao?”

“What—”

“Answer the question, Mingyu.”

“I don’t know.” Mingyu sighs. “Until I feel ready? Everything just feels so wrong and out of place. I don’t want to fuck things up some more. It’s confusing. I’m confused.”

“Maybe you should talk to him.” Jungkook suggests. “Regardless of how scary that may be.”

“And if we end up drifting apart?”

“Are you saying you aren’t drifting apart already? Because it honestly looks like you’re both on that path of going your separate ways.”

“You’re using your judge-y tone. I don’t like the judge-y tone.” Mingyu pouts and Jungkook lets out a tired exhale.

“You honestly deserve the judge-y tone right now.” Jungkook elbows Mingyu’s side. “You’re gonna loose him if you don’t reach out soon.”

“I know.” Mingyu whispers, hugging his legs tight. “I already miss him. Everything feels knocked out of balance.”

“So shouldn’t you try and balance out the scales again?” Jungkook asks. “Why would you leave things a mess when you can fix it?”

“Kookie, I don’t even know where to begin.” Mingyu mumbles. He looks over to his ex-boyfriend turned friend and gives him a pleading expression. Jungkook’s eyes soften as he pulls Mingyu against his side, slinging an arm around the other male’s shoulders.

“I think you should figure out your feelings first. Start with yourself, work your way outward. Who knows, maybe you’ll learn something that you never realized.”

“You’re being really cryptic, Kookie. It’s a bit weird.”

“Aw, thanks Gyu. I love you too.”

 

That evening as Mingyu makes finishing touches on an English paper, there’s a gentle knock on his bedroom door.

“Mingyu.” Mrs. Kim calls out. “Honey, may I come in?”

“Yes mom.” Mingyu answers without looking away from his computer screen. The door opens and Mrs. Kim pokes her head in.

“Are you busy sweetheart?” She asks gently.

“I’m about done with a paper. Just a couple of minutes.” Mingyu looks up. “Did you need my help with something?” He tries to ignore the sad smile on her face.

“Oh it’s nothing sweetheart. Finish what you need to do. I just found something while cleaning out my closet. Maybe you’d like to look through it later?” Mingyu shrugs before looking back at his screen.

“That’s fine.”

“Okay, well, I’ll leave it here on top of your dresser, okay? It’s an old photo album. I thought maybe if you flipped through it, it would cheer you up.”

Mingyu stops typing and listens as his mother gently lays the book down onto the dresser surface. There’s a shuffle of footsteps and then his door shuts.

Resisting the temptation to get up, he gathers what little is left of his focus and pumps out the last few lines of his concluding paragraph. When finished, he sighs and rubs at his eyes before putting his laptop to the side.

Getting up, he makes his way to the dressing counter and collects the album. It’s thick, and he wonders if every page is filled up to the brim. He doesn’t remember his mother taking so many photos, though yet again, that’s a detail he never bothered to pay attention to. Walking back to his bed, he sits down and flips to the first page.

_ The Kim Family Book _

Though it’s only a title, the words tug a small smile at Mingyu’s lips. He flips, and then suddenly he’s met with a picture of his parents. They were younger at the time. Newly Weds. They’re standing under an arch, and behind them is the ocean.

Mingyu touches the photo. His father in a charcoal suit. His mother in a snow-white dress. His parents are beautiful, and Mingyu finds himself washed with an emotion of affection— thankful for his parent’s marriage. Thankful that they’re still together. Thankful that what they have is real love.

He flips another page. It’s his parents again. A photo of them sharing a bottle of wine. A photo of them posing in front of a house— an old house that Mingyu can only vaguely remember. A photo of his father decorating a Christmas tree. A photo of his mother walking along a sandy shoreline with flowers in her hands.

Mingyu flips, and suddenly there’s pictures of him. Him as a newborn baby, wrapped in a white cotton blanket, fast asleep in his father’s arms. Him asleep in his crib. Him looking at the camera without a clue in the world about the significance of anything.

Mingyu flips, and flips and flips, reading each caption like:

_Mingyu tastes chocolate for the first time— life is good!_

He gets to page 20 when he stops. It’s the first picture of him and Minghao. The two of them are lying on a spread blanket in front of the TV. They’re both asleep and curled up in fetal positions and facing each other.

Mingyu looks at the next picture, and it’s him and Minghao again, making a tower out of pretzels and raisins. There’s pointed glare on Minghao’s face directed at child Mingyu for taking over the work station. The facial expression has Mingyu giggling because nothing’s changed. That expression is so genuinely _Minghao_ and it _hurts_.

From that point onward, the photos become increasingly more about him and Minghao and Seokmin, and they all play out like a story.

Mingyu finds himself touching the photos, as if physically connecting with the pictures could help him relive those moments.

_The Boys of Summer orig. taken by Minghao’s mom. BFFs for life._

A caption reads underneath a picture of three boys in a cuddle pile. Mingyu recognizes that they’re lying in Mr. Jim’s yard and he laughs at the captured scene— him and Seokmin snuggling against a rather distressed looking Minghao who’s caught in the middle. He remember that day all too well— chasing each other in a game of tag.

Mingyu flips some more, lingering longer on some photos, trying to recall some context behind the frozen memories. He gets to page thirty seven when his breath catches.

_Happy Valentine’s Day! First grade! Will you be my Valentine?_

Minghao is holding out a bouquet of white and yellow dandelions, probably picked from the playground lawn. He’s holding them out for Mingyu, who, in the picture, is grinning from ear to ear.

And Mingyu now sees it. The complete adoration in Minghao’s eyes. And he wonders… had that shine always been there? Mingyu finds himself studying the photos more closely.

He takes in the hand holding. The smiles. The pouts and the frowns. He takes in the hugs and the car ride naps where they’re resting their heads on each other’s shoulders. The bed sharing. The tickle fights and harmless wrestling. Mingyu soaks it all in until he realizes he’s crying, teardrops splattering onto the plastic protectors of the album sheets.

This is his best friend. One of the few people in the world that he would follow to whatever end.

Minghao and Seokmin had wedged themselves into every aspect of his everyday life, and while those photos were captured when they were young, and in every sense platonic, Mingyu thinks he finally gets it.

He shuts the album and takes a deep breath before opening his bedroom window and climbing out.

 

Seokmin startles when he hears a tap on his bedroom window. He counts out a rhythmic pattern of five gentle knocks and swings himself out of bed.

“Gyu, are you okay? Seokmin asks after he opens the window and fumbles with the screen.

“Yeah. Yeah, I’m fine.” Mingyu whispers as he slips in through the opening.

When Seokmin turns on his bedside lamp he takes in Mingyu’s face.

“Your eyes are red.” Seokmin gently points out as he approaches Mingyu who still stands by the window. “You’ve been crying.”

“Yeah,” Mingyu looks down at his feet. “I uh…been doing a lot of that the past few days.” He lets out a self-deprecating laugh. “You’d think my hormones would learn to chill by now, but they’ve gone more haywire than ever…I just…I wanted to talk to someone.” He allows himself to be steered away and led to Seokmin’s bed, Seokmin pulling him down to sit.

“Do your parents know you’re here?”

“Honestly, no. I left a note on the pillow though, if they check up on me, but I’ll try to get back by morning.”

“It’s already morning, Gyu.” Seokmin chuckles quietly, bumping shoulders with Mingyu. “A little past 12 to be exact.” When Mingyu looks over at him, Seokmin finds Mingyu’s eyes tearing up.

“I think I figured it out.” Mingyu whispered.

“Figured what out?”

“Feelings.” Mingyu answers before looking at his hands. “Amongst other things. You and Minghao; you both know me inside and out. Better than almost anyone else… you know, aside from my parents.” Mingyu exhales. “I’m sorry I’ve been distant. Forgive me?”

“There’s nothing to forgive.” Seokmin replies, reaching over to hold one of Mingyu’s hands. Mingyu nods and squeezes Seokmin’s hand in understanding. There’s a brief silence.

“So there’s this family photo album that mom gave me to look at.” Mingyu lets out a shaky laugh. “There’s so many pictures of us three together. I think mom’s made you both honorary Kims.” At this, Seokmin chuckles.

“Yeah? That’s cool, Gyu.” He look over patiently, waiting for Mingyu to continue.

“Right? It’s funny, because we take up over half the album, cover to cover.” Mingyu bites his lip and pauses. “But I think I love him, Seokmin.” Mingyu chances a glance at his best friend, only to find Seokmin watching him with kind eyes.

“What makes you think that you’re in love?” Seokmin asks softly. At this Mingyu shrugs, and Seokmin can see the held back tears begin to fall.

“I don’t know…I just…Looking at those pictures, seeing how close we are— how close me and Minghao are... Looking at him, I realize I feel like I’m home.” Mingyu then let’s out a sound, something that falls in between a laugh and a cry. “I don’t know if that makes sense, but if home could be a person, that person would be Xu Minghao. If that’s not love, I don’t know what it is, but I care about him so much, Seokmin. I really do.”

Seokmin gathers Mingyu into his arms.

“You need to talk to him, Gyu.” Seokmin whispers into Mingyu’s hair.

“Tomorrow. I promise.” Mingyu pulls away, nodding his head. “I’m gonna make it right tomorrow. I swear.”

 

The next day, five minutes into the start of B lunch, Seungkwan and Vernon look up with surprise to find Mingyu dropping onto a seat to Seokmin’s right.

“MINGYU!” Seungkwan greets. “You’re back!” The junior stands up from his chair and walks around the table, holding his arms out for an embrace.

“We missed you, man.” Vernon grins brightly when Mingyu and Seungkwan let go of each other. Mingyu smiles, shrugging shyly as Seokmin bumps their shoulders together.

“Looks like the crew’s back together!” A voice calls out, and the attention of five boys swivels to two familiar faces approaching the table. It was Chan who had spoken, holding out his usual cafeteria lunch tray, smiling brightly.

“Ayyyyy!” Seokmin aims finger guns at Minghao who walks at Chan’s side, holding a purchased bag of chips. Minghao flashes a finger gun back and Seokmin punches at the air triumphantly. The group ignores the stares of nearby students as the sophomore and senior reach the table. Seungkwan, who was still standing next to Mingyu’s side, rushes over and attacks Minghao with a hug.

“”You really want to spoil your image like this, Boo?” Minghao comments with amusement as he embraces back. Seungkwan pulls away and makes a face.

“Are you kidding? Underclassmen are jealous of those with upperclassmen connections. I’m friends with the coolest people.” There’s a ‘hell yeah’ from Vernon as Seungkwan makes his way back to his seat. Minghao ducks his head and laughs, before looking back up and catching Mingyu’s gaze. Time stands still as Minghao finally gives a timid smile. He catches the relief flood across Mingyu’s face before dropping onto his usual seat to Seokmin’s left.

The atmosphere around the table lifts for the first time in almost two weeks, and things fall back to normal.

Minghao’s in the middle of sending out a text message to Mingyu when his phone vibrates in his hands.

 

**ONE (1) NEW MESSAGE! CLICK TO OPEN!**

**SNEEZE MACHINE**

I want to talk to you sometime after school.  
Are you available?

_Read 10:50 AM_

Minghao bites his lip in contemplation before typing out a quick yes, completely unaware that Mingyu’s staring patiently at his own phone screen on Seokmin’s other side.

(( Seunkgwan takes a loud sip from his Arizona Ice Tea, failing to hide the knowing smirk on his lips. ))

 

It’s around 5:00 when Mingyu knocks on the Xu residence’s front door. It surprises him when the door flies open immediately.

“Hey.”

“Hey.”

There’s a seconds worth of awkward staring when Mingyu scratches at the back of his neck. “Um, do you wanna take a walk down the street with me?” He asks. Minghao nods without saying a word.

They’re walking past Mrs. Johnson’s house, two houses down, when Minghao breaks the silence.

“I’m sorry I’ve been ignoring you.”

“I’m sorry for ignoring you too.”

“Nah,” Minghao mutters. “I dropped the truth bomb. I was the one who made things awkward.”

“To be honest, I didn’t help the situation either.” There’s a pause, and then in a much gentler tone, Mingyu adds, “I missed you.”

“I missed you too, Gyu.”

“Can I tell you something though?” Mingyu asks. “Promise me that you’ll hear me out?” He stops in his tracks, and Minghao turns to look at him.

“I agreed to come out here, didn’t I?” Minghao prompts softly. “Of course I’ll listen.”

“Right,” Mingyu nods and reaches for Minghao’s hand, leading the other to the curb. When they sit down, Mingyu sucks in a deep breath before exhaling. “I don’t even know how to start this.” He laughs nervously, not looking at Minghao who’s gazing at him searchingly.

“It’s okay. I can wait.”

“You’ve always been waiting.” Mingyu croaks out before he can bite his tongue to keep the words from escaping. He can feel his voice waver. “I’m sorry I made you wait for a long time.”

“Gyu?”

“No listen, Hao. I care about you a lot, okay? And maybe it’s romantic love, or maybe it isn’t, but at the end of the day, I do love you and I’m willing to try. I _want_ to try.” He sucks air through his teeth and he can feel his vision blur. Goddammit, he’s crying again…

“Mingyu—”

“I know what you’re gonna say.” Mingyu turns to face Minghao. “You’re gonna tell me that I don’t have to do this. But I _want_ to. It’s my choice right? Love in the end is a choice. People make the choice when they say yes to date someone. They make the choice to stay together and make things work or break up. They make the choice to get married and say their vows. Well I’m making my choice, okay? And I choose you.”

_“Mingyu—”_ Minghao starts, but he stops when Mingyu reaches over for his hands.

“Nothing is forcing me to do this, Hao. I promise. Having you around makes me feel like I’m home. These past two weeks made me realize that. We’ve grown up together and you’ve carved your place into my heart. And being apart from you like these past two weeks... emotionally distant, pretending like we’re strangers… Your place in my heart felt so empty. I don’t want to feel that emptiness again. So let me try, okay? If you want to. Please, Hao. Let’s try this and see where it goes?”

“Okay,” Minghao says softly. “Okay. If that’s what you honestly want, then let’s try this.”

They stare at each other. Both of them with tear tracks on their faces, and it’s Mingyu who snickers first.

“I’ve been crying so much these days.” He huffs out, swiping at his tears. Watching as Minghao wipes his own tears away, Mingyu lets impulse take over. He wraps his arms around Minghao, heart beating wildly against his chest. For a second, Minghao is frozen in the embrace and Mingyu wonders if the action is too soon. Perhaps he should’ve asked; but Minghao wraps his arms around Mingyu too, and Mingyu smiles with relief.

“Idiot.” Minghao mumbles fondly against his neck. When they pull apart, Mingyu bumps their foreheads together.

“Yeah, I know. I’m an idiot. But I’m _your_ idiot.”

“You’ve always been my idiot.” Minghao murmurs fondly. Mingyu huffs out with amusement before pressing his lips against Minghao’s forehead. He lingers there for a moment— entangles his fingers through Minghao’s hair.

When he pulls away, Minghao’s looking at him like he’s hung the stars, and suddenly everything in the universe falls back into place.

_It’ll be okay._

He drinks Minghao’s features in— takes in Minghao’s dyed brown hair. Takes in Minghao’s eyes. Nose. Lips…

“May I?” He finds himself asking. Minghao’s mouth curves into a little smirk.

“I think we’re officially dating now. You don’t need to ask.”

Mingyu flushes and tries to drown out the sound of his own beating heart.

“I want to make sure…”

“It’s okay, Gyu. It’s fine.” Minghao chuckles, reaching over for Mingyu’s hands. “But if it’s too soon for you, then don’t.”

“No. I _want_ this.” Mingyu insists before leaning in. He presses his lips against Minghao’s. The kiss is gentle and chaste. When he pulls away slowly and opens his eyes, he feels like his face is on fire.

“Your lips are nice.” He blurts out, not knowing what else to say, and Minghao erupts into giggles.

“You’re such a dork.” Minghao comments, slouching against Mingyu. Mingyu instinctively wraps his arms around the smaller body.

He smiles. This is familiar. This is home.

 

Mingyu decides that loving Minghao is easy. He’s always loved Minghao, it just took some time to see it.

If anything’s changed, he just gets the bonus privilege of sweet kisses.

 


End file.
